Steward's Portion

ONE OF THE ASPECTS that should separate a Christian believer from the rest of the world is peace regarding death and martyrdom.  Let me state immediately that although the word is the same in both religions there is a huge divide between the Muslim and Christian viewpoints regarding martyrdom. Many Muslims actively sign-up and train for martyrdom so their deaths can be used as weapons against their enemies in Jihad.  Christians in contrast do not seek death but will stand firm in their beliefs and not back away from preaching the Gospel even if it means they will be slain.

Years ago when I was a new believer, God pressed me on the issue of death.  Like many, the fear of death was a big struggle for me.  I was reading through Hebrews and came across this verse:

“In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.”  (Hebrews 12:4)

I immediately heard the Lord say “Are you willing to shed your blood for my sake?” I struggled with my answer for what seemed like a long time.  I put my Bible down and it was several days of wrestling with fear before I picked it back up again, re-read the verse and crossed a line in my heart when I said “Yes Lord, I am willing”.  I meant it and I will not take it back.  The Lord said “Good”.  And I pressed and asked “Good as in, “I’m going to be a martyr”, or good as in “I’m glad you would be willing” Lord?” But to this day He has never clarified and I have stayed true to my first answer.

When I first gave the Lord my answer, I did so with much fear and trembling.  I knew that a Holy God would hold me to my answer.  I knew that to seek to save my natural life by compromising would mean I was losing my spiritual life in Christ. (Luke 17:33).  I was very uneasy and undertook the journey to learn more about martyrdom.  My first stop was to read Foxe’s book of Martyrs.  Here is one of hundreds of entries:

“Victor was a Christian of a good family at Marseilles, in France; he spent a great part of the night in visiting the afflicted, and confirming the weak; which pious work he could not, consistently with his own safety, perform in the daytime; and his fortune he spent in relieving the distresses of poor Christians. He was at length, however, seized by the emperor Maximian’s decree, who ordered him to be bound, and dragged through the streets. During the execution of this order, he was treated with all manner of cruelties and indignities by the enraged populace. Remaining still inflexible, his courage was deemed obstinacy. Being by order stretched upon the rack, he turned his eyes toward heaven, and prayed to God to endue him with patience, after which he underwent the tortures with most admirable fortitude. After the executioners were tired with inflicting torments on him, he was conveyed to a dungeon. In his confinement, he converted his jailers, named Alexander, Felician, and Longinus. This affair coming to the ears of the emperor, he ordered them immediately to be put to death, and the jailers were accordingly beheaded. Victor was then again put to the rack, unmercifully beaten with batoons, and again sent to prison. Being a third time examined concerning his religion, he persevered in his principles; a small altar was then brought, and he was commanded to offer incense upon it immediately. Fired with indignation at the request, he boldly stepped forward, and with his foot overthrew both altar and idol. This so enraged the emperor Maximian, who was present, that he ordered the foot with which he had kicked the altar to be immediately cut off; and Victor was thrown into a mill, and crushed to pieces with the stones, A.D. 303.”

One thing I realized after having read hundreds of these accounts is that these Christians seemed fearless in the face of death and torture.  I began to see that they feared bringing shame to the name of Christ more than they feared what man could do to them.  They were walking out the command that Jesus had given in Matthew 10:28: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” I also began to see that the Holy Spirit seemed to be present with them in their suffering, revealing why He is aptly named “The Comforter”.

Three other resources really helped shape my view on death and martyrdom.  I highly recommend John Piper’s book “Future Grace”, holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom’s life story “Tramp For The Lord” and John Bevere’s book “Driven By Eternity”.  Piper’s book is a challenge to believe that God’s Grace will be there for us each step of the way.  I was living in fear because I kept imagining that if I had to be martyred at that moment I didn’t think I could face it.  This was a simple but eye opening truth: the Holy Spirit will extend the grace to us when we need it, not before.  I believe that is the key as to why so many Christian martyrs went to their deaths singing and rejoicing, at the very moment they needed the courage and grace, it was there!  Corrie Ten Boom relates the same truth by telling a story from her childhood.  She would often ride the train with her father but he never gave her the train ticket until they were just about to board.  In the same way God does not empower us until the moment we need to be empowered.  Bevere’s book helped me to put my life into the the proper context.  Scripture says our life here on earth is so short, its like a mist. (James 4:14).  Eternity really is forever and ever.  We really are living our 80 years here on Earth as a sort of kindergarten for eternity.  How we act now determines where (Heaven or Hell) and how well (for believers there are many wonderful rewards for obedience) we will spend eternity.  Even if we beat the odds and live to be 100 years old…. what will that matter in 500 years?  In 5000 years?  In 5 million years?  Our spirits are eternal, we really will be around for eternity and that places such a high importance on what we do day to day.

After many years of meditating and praying about this subject I can now say I have come full circle.  I no longer fear death and martyrdom, but actually hope the high privilege may one day be mine.  I only have one life to live and now is the only time we will ever have the opportunity to suffer for the sake of Christ.  It is a gift we give to God when we lay down our lives in obedience not fearing death.  In this way we can offer our death as our final act of worship here on Earth.  God says that the death of His saints is a very precious thing to Him. (Psa 116:15) Never again in all of eternity will we ever experience suffering, persecution and death.  This is the only time we will ever face this obstacle, and it is the only opportunity to demonstrate we are willing to do so completely trusting God.  The results of this “quiz” are eternal, you won’t ever have the ability to go back and change the way you lived and died.   The moment we cross over into eternity we are going to see clearly that death was not something to be feared.  I believe that when we look back upon our lives here on Earth we will feel silly about the times we were consumed with fear because we will truly realize that the Holy Spirit was with us the whole time.   Another word of caution: we are not rewarded based on our intentions but on our actions.  (John 14:21-24 describes that our works are an accurate representation of what is in our hearts).  Though all believers obtain the promise of Heaven, not all believers are rewarded equally.  The rewards given to those believers who are faithful to the end are pretty exciting and worth obtaining!  Some of the many rewards given to overcomers include:

• Sitting with Christ on His throne (Rev 3:21) (our actions actually dictate our proximity to Christ for eternity!)

• Seeing God face to face and having His name on our foreheads (Rev 20:11)

• Greater glory and light in our resurrected bodies (Heb 11:35 & Mt 13:43)  We also receive glorious crowns, garments and mansions which glory I am sure will co-relate to our lives lived on Earth.

• Power over the nations and a greater role in the eternal government to come (Rev 2:26)

• Inherit all things and be called a son of God (Rev 21:7)…etc

Given the importance of  this, we ought to invest the time now to renew our minds.  If Jesus said “do not fear” any of the things that will happen to us, let us then not fear. (Rev 2:10) He is Faithful and True and if we are trusting Him with our eternal lives, we can certainly trust Him here and now, and at the hour of our deaths.

To a Christian, death should be our “happily ever after” moment.  Death was the most merciful thing that God instituted when mankind fell into sin.  If our sinful flesh never died, we would never experience an end to this separation from God that we are live in because of sin.  All of those moments in life when we longed to be face to face with God, to behold His Beauty, to feel His Love even more tangibly, they will all be satisfied when we see Jesus. All we have ever known is separation from God and then dim fellowship through the veil, but we are about to experience intimacy without limit.  So, be encouraged as I am, life is short and death is coming quickly for all of us, but it is exactly that which should be our greatest hope!  An eternity of joy with God awaits us.  I want to wrap this up by quoting a song I hear over and over here at IHOP….

All I want is just to know your heart, and would you keep me here until we’re one?
My soul sings, my soul sings, my soul sings: how I love you!
It’s just a little while longer and I’ll see you!
It’s just a little while longer and I’ll know you!
It’s just a little while longer and we’ll be together!

I WANT GODLY SUBMISSION to be my first response in every situation so I spend a lot of time meditating on it.  God is pretty clear in Scripture that we don’t have a choice in the matter, but what should our motivation be?  Hagar was commanded by God to submit, just like you and I, so let’s see what motivated her to obey.

Submission is an obedience issue.  Whatever authority God has placed in your life, He has done so with the careful knowledge that it will be hard to submit to it!  Yet we are commanded by God to do it.  It is a biblical imperative, not a suggestion or something you do when all the external circumstances line up just right.   What that looks like in real life is that most of the time you should submit, it is the last thing on your mind.   Most often we think of submission in reference to a wife submitting to her husband, but let’s step outside that common example and look at another woman’s struggle: a slave named Hagar.

And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.  And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.   And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.  And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.  But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.  And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur. And he said, Hagar, Sarai’s maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.  And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.  (Genesis 16:2-9, KJV)

Hagar was “given” to Abram as a slave wife to bear a child in Sarai’s place.   When Hagar discovers her pregnancy she suddenly realizes her change in rank from just another slave, to the future mother of Abram’s heir and she gets puffed up and begins to despise Sarai.   Until that point I think its safe to assume she was pretty submissive to authority since she was the one selected as the surrogate, and she obeyed.   But here we see an attitude shift, one I have been training myself to recognize and avoid as soon as possible.  Entitlement.

Women, beware!  Feeling something is owed to you, or that you deserve better always leads you down a wrong path.  Remember Paul’s admonition: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3, KJV).  Hagar abandoned lowliness of mind and provoked Sarai to jealousy.  Sarai began to make her life miserable.  Hagar fled.  But here is where God steps in and confronts Hagar.  He sent an angel to tell her to return and submit.  It is interesting to note that the bible uses the same word for “dealt hardly with” in verse 6 as it does for “submit thyself” in verse 9.  God was not mincing words: going back meant returning to hardship. Nothing will have changed back home for Hagar and returning meant ongoing mistreatment.  Now, put yourself in Hagar’s shoes, does submitting sound like a good idea?  Do you suppose it is what she wanted to do?  What motivation does God offer her to return?  Blessing!  Let’s look what happens next:

And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.  And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.  (Genesis 16:10-11, KJV)

Hagar’s reward for obedience in submission will be a blessing for her son and his offspring.  A blessing surprisingly like the one promised to Abram!  God gives her son a name that means “God will hear.”   We know from continuing to read the story that she did return and stayed in submission to Sarai for many years until Sarai finally bore Isaac and drove out Hagar and Ishmael for good.   Even at that point God heard Hagar and intervened to save their lives with provision and promise.   Hagar must have lived a very difficult life during those years with Abram & Sarai, but she laid hold of the promised blessing through her obedience and submission.

So how does this apply to us today?   I am not advocating that women should remain with abusive husbands.  If you or your children are being abused you have every right (and indeed an obligation) to separate yourselves from harm.   Often, when we submit to the leadership above us, God is swift to move on our behalf and bring correction.  But in the case of Hagar, we see that sometimes God will specifically call you to submit to difficult circumstances, which will result in a blessing.  Jesus faced this kind of submission when He submitted to death on the cross.  He had asked His Father if there was any other way, but there wasn’t.  So we are told that for the joy set before Him, He endured the shame of a death on the cross.  (Heb 12:2)  Jesus had His eyes on the blessing He would receive:  a pure and spotless Bride and the right to be seated at the right hand of God in Glory.  Jesus didn’t feel entitled to something better, He fully trusted that God the Father had a perfect plan and submitted to it to obtain the promised blessing.  We, like Jesus, need to learn to take the focus off our selves.

I believe one of the hardest places a godly woman can find herself in is being married to an unbelieving husband.  (Singles pay heed: there is a reason God says its a no-no!)  I believe that like Hagar, God is directly commanding the wife to stay in the relationship (painful though it will be) and show godly submission.  Obeying God will always reap a blessing now and/or in heaven.   In fact, Paul alludes to the fact, that there is a slim chance part of that blessing might even be that your husband will come to the Lord.  (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Submission is a crucial part of our ongoing Christ-like transformation.   (If there was an “extreme makeover spiritual edition” I promise you it would deal with submission!) In all circumstances I believe biblical submission to be a win-win.  Either God corrects me because I am wrong (win), God intervenes and corrects the leadership I have submitted to (win) or God pronounces a blessing over me for my obedience (win).  Any opportunity that we are given to submit should be viewed as a stage upon which we openly display our love for God through our actions.  Jesus said it best: “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love” (John 15:10, KJV).

IS IT OK TO PRAY about getting married?  What if you have someone in mind already?  What if you haven’t met anyone you think would be a good match? Praying for your future husband is God’s invitation to co-author your own love story.

Our God is a God of relationship.  He designed marriage and families to teach us about His own heart and emotions towards humanity.  He also designed man in His image, with the same capacity to feel emotion and long for relationship.  It should not come as a surprise that within our own hearts we find longings that have been planted there by the God who also longs.

If within your heart you find the longing to be married, consider that your invitation to press in and dialogue with God about what you desire.  If you are born again you do not need to fear that your heart is still deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer 17:9) but you can rejoice that you have been given a new heart (Ezek 11:19).   As you put your eyes on God and seek Him first, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psa 37:4), because they were planted there by God Himself!  Too often we push away the desires of our heart because we fear that God will not answer them and we would rather not be brokenhearted.  By not talking to God about our desire, we  in fact only delay its fulfillment. We shy away from the One who is longing to hear our voice and before long we are truly heartsick.  (Prov 13:12)

How exactly can you co-author your own love story?   God is writing the history of your life and just like a choose-your-own-adventure book the choices you are making affect the outcome.  Your free will is mingled with God’s divine plan.  In this way, by actively praying about a husband you are writing the first few lines of that chapter of your life, you are drawing God into a part of your heart that you may never have opened to Him before now.   So where do you begin?

1:  Resolve that God is a good leader and can be trusted with your heart! Try to put things into proper perspective: as a born again believer you have decided to trust that Jesus Christ has redeemed your eternal soul from the damnation you justly deserve.   You are believing that when you die you will not be cast into Hell, but instead will one day be resurrected in a new glorified body and live with Jesus and all His saints forever.   If you can believe that He has your afterlife in the palm of His Hand, you can easily believe that God also has a plan for you here on Earth!   God is a good Shepherd, He will look after all of your needs and He longs to answer the desire of your heart.  Can’t you trust Him to pick the perfect husband?  The enemy will cause you to doubt God’s leadership, so watch out for this attack and stand firm in the Love of God.

2. Pray specifically! When you pray for “a Christian man” God is looking at a pool of millions of eligible candidates.   God has placed specific desires in your heart and He wants you to discover those, begin to pray for them and watch as your faith actually becomes a more substantial image of the thing you are hoping for! (Heb 11:1)  In one sense God is waiting for you to engage Him with a “fully fleshed out” request.  How else will you have the confidence that God has answered your prayer and you have met the “one” for you unless you have asked specifically?   Your prayer list can include things like 1) the calling he has on his life, 2) spiritual and physical attributes,  3) the thing you most want to respect about him,  4) his family and background, 5) his occupation and hobbies…etc   Trust that anything that gets added to your list that is not of God will be made clear to you by God.

3. If you already have someone in mind, pray for divine appointments. In this early relationship stage if you have peace in your spirit regarding this man, you should move forward by asking God to confirm it to both of you as you get to know each other better.  God loves to be involved in all the little details (like a best girlfriend who wants to hear you talk about every little detail, He really does care!)   It doesn’t matter if the man doesn’t even know you are alive or is your best friend: begin to pray that God will awaken a desire in him to be married and that God will point you out as the perfect fit.  No matter how well you already know him, ask God to begin to give you divine appointments; times when you just run into each other unplanned.  If you do that, God will orchestrate amazing “coincidences” and you will not be able to avoid each other! You might both end up being invited to same dinner party, standing in line next to one another at the grocery store, or serving on the same ministry team, yes it is even possible that God will physically have him “bump” into you as you come around a corner.   Letting God take the leadership ensures that you are not simply manipulating the circumstances.  I also recommend not letting it be widely known that you like the man in question.  What really has value is for God to show you his character when he is not already trying to impress you by putting his best face forward.  Many times it will be during the mundane moments of life that God will point something out to you and speak regarding whether or not this man in question is the one for you.

4) If you haven’t met yet, ask God to arrange an introduction! God is well able to help you meet your husband whether he lives one block from you, or is on the other side of the world.   Pray that God would order his steps in your direction, specifically that God would cause opportunities to arise that will bring him to where you are.    It is also a good idea to pray for his purity so that the enemy will not lure him into other relationships.  Begin even now to pray for him like you will for the rest of your life as his wife.  You can pray for protection, for blessing, for encounter with God, even that he would begin to long for a wife -just like you!

5) Is there truly a MR RIGHT for me? The choice of a spouse (for choice it is after all) remains with the two individuals.  The only prohibition given concerning marriage between Christians is that we are to be equally yoked (marry someone who is a Christian). (2 Cor 6:14).  It falls within the will of God for you to marry any unwed Christian believer (divorcees will be addressed in a separate future article), but in the spectrum of available men God knows who will be the very best match for you.  This principle of who to marry would therefore be classified as one of those issues which is lawful, but must be weighed in terms of whether or not it will also be profitable? (1 Cor 10:23)  Even if you marry someone who is not the one who would have been the best match for you, God is able to make you both more Christlike and make a strong marriage (because it is lawful), however much more heartache and difficulty lay down this path which would have been lessened had God’s best been pursued. (not the most profitable).

6) The big BUT…  BUT what if I’m supposed to be single? There are many reasons why a person would choose to be single: illness, persecution, war, specific ministry calling, desire to be single…   Do not fear: singleness is both a calling and a choice.  God will call some people to be single, but it is still their choice to remain single.   For some, singleness is a way of fasting and just like fasting may be for a short period of time or a lifetime.   Remaining single for the sake of pursuing God with an undivided heart is awesome, it is what the Apostle Paul was called to and chose to do.  You can tell by his comments that he was not sorry for his choice! (1 Cor 7:8)   For those who have that unrelenting desire to be married, who’s eyes are always scanning for the perfect mate, who’s hearts are lonely, who are desiring to raise a family, Paul recommended marriage instead of frustration.  (1 Cor 7:9 yes this also has a sexual implication!) Singleness in itself isn’t intrinsically better than being married.  It is also not something to be feared, for if God is calling you to be single He will also extend to you a measure of grace to fulfill that calling.    I believe that unless God is clearly calling you to a life of singleness, if you find the desire to be married is in your heart, thank God for that desire and pursue Him about its fulfillment.

PATIENCE. Perhaps when you read that word, you feel a little like I once felt: fearful and desperate to circumvent long delays!  As I have walked with the Lord I have found that He feels very differently about patience, and in the process my feelings have changed too!

In our Christian walk we often find ourselves waiting for something; waiting for direction, waiting for provision, waiting to get married, waiting nine months for a child to be born, or just even waiting for our next vacation.  It can be easy to learn to think of Jesus as the “God of the last minute” since many times the thing we have so long waited for seems to arrive just in time.

I confess that early in my Christian walk that many of the more seasoned Christians around me seemed to have lost the joy of  their salvation simply because of how long they had waited for an answer to such and such a prayer.  It seemed they were winking at me knowing that soon enough I’d realize on my own that being a Christian would mean the initial zeal and joy would wear off and be replaced by a stern endurance as I learned through experience that my first batch of prayers wouldn’t all be answered by next Sunday.  I remember the excitement in knowing that God was real, God was listening and God had all the power in the Universe at his fingertips to answer prayer.  God did answer a number of my prayers very quickly, but others I have yet to see fulfilled.  I believe God has a perfect time for everything (Ecc 3:1), and that He cares just as much about the moments in between our prayers and their fulfillment as He does about the end result.

In the eyes of God, seeing the character of Christ formed inside of a believer is a top priority.  Have you considered that God is patient?   Romans 15:5 declares that God is in fact “the God of patience”!   And James 1:4 admonishes us that we should endeavor to “let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” That is an amazing statement; that if we have patience, we will lack nothing! Jesus Himself praises three of the seven Churches in the book of Revelation for their patience; Ephesus, Thyatira & Philadelphia.

Patience is not simply waiting. By default, if you don’t have what you want you are waiting.  Patience is a heart posture that is defined by cheerful endurance. The Greek word most commonly translated patience is: hupomonē (pronounced hoop-om-on-ay’) and means “a cheerful (or hopeful) endurance, constancy.”

A few years ago I was encouraging a friend to be patient.  She responded that she didn’t want to take that route because “it just takes too long”.  She also expressed a common fear “what if God never answers me?”  It was at that moment that the Holy Spirit spoke to me and explained that patience is not about something taking a long time, it is about an attitude of cheerfulness knowing that God knows what is best and delights in answering us.   In essence, patience happens the moment your heart has adopted a cheerful waiting with peace.  No more do we fret, worry, or get depressed, but instead we wait in a state of contentment.  In moments when patience is needed I like to imagine myself standing before God’s throne.  I know He knows my need and He sees me, and I am happy to be in His presence until He gets around to me, after all He is a King and I am just a woman, I remember that I am just dust before Him.  By choosing patience I lift my hands and give an offering of joyful praise, even in the midst of needing something.  God places a lot of value on our patience.   I believe it moves His heart.

In my own life this was most dramatically experienced when I decided not to date.  As an 18 year old newly minted Christian, it occurred to me that if I could trust God with my eternal soul, I should be able to trust Him to find me a husband.  I made the decision to stop dating entirely, expecting full well that this probably meant I would actually never get married, after all, how do you go from friends to spouses without dating?  ( Seeing that I did experience exactly that, I can proclaim that nothing is impossible with God…. but that is a wonderful story which I will save for another time!) I prayed and asked God to select a husband for me since I no longer wanted to be in charge of that area of my life.  Within a few weeks of having prayed that prayer, something unusual happened.  Three separate men that had caught my eye suddenly came hunting for me.  I had roses being delivered, invitations for fancy dinners, one man even wanted me to spend a weekend with his family, it was overwhelming.  I stood fast though, God would do a better than job than me at picking a husband!  I declined every invitation.  I actually started to like it.  I rejoiced knowing that one day God would pick a man for me who would suit me perfectly, so I could sit out all the heartbreak that my friends were experiencing.  So how long did a woman who didn’t date have to wait to get married? I didn’t even have to wait 2 years!  18 months later I was married to my husband who had also never dated and lived in a different country!  God did indeed work quickly, and 12 years later I am still rejoicing that I let God choose my husband.

There have been many times since then that I have turned to patience.  I have come to believe that patience is a combination of three of the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians chapter 5, namely: joy, peace and longsuffering.  Just like fruit which ripens in a season, I believe patience is something that can be achieved in a short period of time… of course you will end up using it for the rest of your life!

Of all the sacrifices we give to God, I believe He treasures our patience in a special way.  By choosing the route of patience we declare that we are happy to wait for His perfect timing and have set aside our own machinations.  We have taken a huge step in becoming more like Christ.  My husband once told me that “sin is an irony: it’s the unrighteous pursuit of what God wants to give us through a righteous pursuit.”  When we forfeit patience we do one of two things: we either sit around depressed and unhappy until the timer runs out, or we start seeing how our grabby little fingers can take what we want without waiting for God.  Neither of those heart attitudes is pleasing to God. I would encourage you to study patience and ask God to help it grow in your life.

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JESUS IS REVEALED THROUGHOUT SCRIPTURE, as a Bridegroom God who is gathering a Bride to Himself.   (Isa 54:5) Much of the language and imagery used to describe our salvation and relationship to God is taken from the Jewish wedding traditions.   The traditions listed below provide insight into understanding Who Jesus is, what He is doing, and why He has chosen to do it the way He has.  By properly understanding the bridal perspective of our salvation we can begin to view ourselves as His beloved Bride and receive and reciprocate His love.   It will also provide context for our current season of anticipation for His return. Our salvation here on Earth is just the beginning of  an everlasting love.  Jesus is eagerly awaiting the wedding day!

1) Shiddukhin- The Role Of The Matchmaker

In Jewish wedding customs it is traditionally the father of the groom who selects a bride for his son.   In Genesis chapter 2 we see that Adam’s wife was fashioned for him by God (his Father).  In Genesis chapter 24 we see another example as Abraham made provision for a servant to find his son Isaac a proper wife, Rebekah.  The servant came unto Rebekah with a proposal and without having seen Isaac face to face, she said yes and agreed to leave everything behind and go forth to marry Isaac.  In the same way, God the Father has ordained that the Holy Spirit woo a Bride for His Son Jesus.  Just as Rebekah, we have not yet seen Jesus face to face, but we are learning about our betrothed and falling in love with Who He is through the ministry of the matchmaker, the Holy Spirit.  Concerning selecting a bride, Jesus, ever the obedient Son only does the will of His Father.  The Apostle Paul identified himself as a co-laborer with the Holy Spirit in being part of the matchmaking process, when he said in  2Co 11:2-3  “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. “

I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.  (John 5:30b, KJV)

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:  (1Peter 1:8, KJV)

We love him, because he first loved us.  (1 John 4:19, KJV)

2) Mohar – The Bride Price

In Jewish tradition it is required by law that the groom pays a bride price to her family and purchases (or redeems) her to himself. The higher the worth of the bride, the higher the price that will have to be paid.   Jesus has paid for His bride at the high cost of shedding His own blood to redeem her from her past of sin.  This speaks of the incredible value of His chosen bride.

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.  (1 Corinthians 6:20, KJV)

Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;  But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.  (1 Peter 1:18-19, KJV)

3) Mattan – Love Gifts

Though not required, the groom also often gave gifts to the bride to demonstrate his love for her.  Jesus offers the Church wonderful gifts: eternal life, peace, supernatural power…etc

And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.  (John 10:28, KJV)

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  (John 14:27, KJV)

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.  (Luke 10:19, KJV)

4) Shiluhim – The Dowry

The Father of the bride endows her with a gift (her portion of the family inheritance) to bring with her into marriage.  In addition to money a bride would often be given a trousseau which would often include new clothing, linens, and other things she would need to set up her new home.    Our Heavenly Father sees to it that we are given everything we need to start our new life with Christ: we receive The Holy Spirit, spiritual gifts, and yes, even new garments of white for the wedding!

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.  (John 14:16-17, KJV)

For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues.  (1 Corinthians 12:8-10, KJV)

…for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.  And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.  (Revelation 19:7-8, KJV)

5) Ketubah – The Marriage Contract

The wedding document is a contract detailing the Mohar (the Bride price), the rights of the bride and the promises of the groom.  The contract would be read out loud so all those present would know the terms. In the book of Jeremiah chapter 31, God outlines that He will make a new contract with Israel (His chosen ones) writing the law on their hearts and promising to be their God.  Both parties need to consent to the wedding, and the bride had to make her consent verbal in the presence of at least two witnesses for the wedding to be binding.   When a Christian first makes their agreement with Jesus to be His Bride we are to confess with our mouths, and when we do so in the presence of two or three other Christians, Jesus Himself is present in our midst to accept us.  Our wedding document is the Bible, wherein are contained all that is required of us and promised to us.

Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD:  But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people.  (Jer 31:31-33, KJV)

But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises. (Heb 8:6, KJV)

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.  (Romans 10:9-10, KJV)

… In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.  (2 Co 13:1, KJV)

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.  (Mat 18:20, KJV)

6) Kiddushin -The Cup of Proposal

Historically, drinking together from the same cup was the manner in which an official proposal was made (no kneeling on one knee required!).  The bridegroom pours a cup of wine, lifts it high in his right hand, and recites the blessing:  Baruch L ata adonai eloheinu melech ha olam borey pre hagafen. (Blessed are you O Lord, King of the Universe who creates the fruit of the vine).  He then drinks of the cup and offers it to the bride.  The wine was symbolic of the blood of a covenant. Although we might consider this merely an engagement, the moment that the bride takes a sip from that cup she is legally his wife and the contract is binding.  Even though the marriage will be some time in the future if they were to separate now they would need a legal divorce.   After the bride has drunk from the Kiddish (literally the cup of sanctification) the bridegroom would depart to prepare a place for her.  The time it would take him to build a house and return to take his bride was generally about a year.

To a Christian, celebrating communion is a very special time of remembrance.    The significance of the Last Supper should not be overlooked.   The last supper took place at Passover, during a special dinner feast called the Seder.  During this dinner the Jews recount and celebrate their exodus from Egypt and drink 4 cups of wine during the course of the evening.  The four cups are: 1) cup of blessing, 2) cup of plagues, 3) cup of redemption/suffering and 4) cup of praise.   It was the third cup of redemption/suffering that Jesus held up, blessed and said that it represented His shed blood which was going to sanctify the new covenant (His wedding covenant).  As each of the disciples drank from that cup they were betrothed legally to Jesus as his bride. When we first drank the communion wine we accepted Christ’s proposal of marriage and we are legally His too. From that moment forward we are now awaiting His promised return. He is coming back to bring us to the place He has been preparing!  Jesus made a curious statement saying that He would not drink from the fruit of the vine again until He does so with us in His Kingdom.  Jesus was saying that He would not that night be drinking the customary 4th cup of praise, but would wait to drink it until His wedding day with us.  It is also traditional that after the bride accepts the proposal the groom would place a veil over her face.

And he took the cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them: and they all drank of it.  And he said unto them, This is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many. Verily I say unto you, I will drink no more of the fruit of the vine, until that day that I drink it new in the kingdom of God.  (Mar 14:23-24, KJV)

In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  (John 14:2-3, KJV)

Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come  (Mat 24:42, KJV)

7) Mikvah – Purification/Baptism

During the time while the bride is awaiting the return of the bridegroom she enters a season of purification and anticipation of the moment he returns and the wedding occurs.  It is important to note, she does not know the date and time he will return so she is to live in a state of perpetual readiness.  The first thing the bride would do is be publicly immersed in a body of water, usually a lake or river, as a ceremonial cleansing (Mikvah).  It would be a time of rejoicing and her friends and family would celebrate her newly married state.  She now belongs to her husband and is under his authority.   Christians celebrate our engagement to Christ by being water baptized and making our confession public.  We identify with Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection, and pronounce ourselves under His authority. We then continue to be cleansed as we study the scriptures and obey the Holy Spirit.

Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.  (2 Co 7:1, KJV)

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  (Eph 5:25-27, KJV)

Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?  Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.  (Rom 6:3-4, KJV)

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.  (Col 3:2-4, KJV)

It is interesting to note that at some point before the wedding, the bridegroom would be called upon publicly at the synagogue to a read a passage from the Torah.  When first researching this I thought the passage of Scripture might be something from Song of Solomon, or the Psalms, but was surprised to find that the passage was Isaiah 61.  This was the same Scripture that Jesus read and then said “This Day is this Scripture, fulfilled in your ears”  (Luke 4:21).

8 ) Nissuin -The Nuptials

Traditionally the bridegroom would return for his bride in the night at the head of a torchlight procession.  There would be a shout to alert the bride they were coming. There would be trumpets, singers and great commotion!  The bridegroom would literally be abducting his bride by surprise and she would live with him from that point forward.  Often she was literally carried away in a wedding litter (a canopied cart carried by men). The only one who knew the timing beforehand would be the groom’s father.  He would prepare a feast and invite the guests.  Customarily the bride would give the groom a crown, and he would give her a crown and they were to be treated like a King & Queen during their wedding. (Song 3:11)  The guests would entertain them and dance around them to “make them glad”.

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.  (1 Th 4:16-17, KJV)

And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away.  (1Peter 5:4, KJV)

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.  For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.  (Hebrews 10:36-37, KJV)

Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.  (Rev 3:11, KJV)

9) Chuppah  & Cheder Yichud – Covering & Room of Privacy

The Cheder Yichud was the room that had been prepared where the bride and groom would live.  The celebration would be going on outside even as the veiled bride and groom went inside alone to consummate their marriage.   The best man would wait outside until the groom would tell him that the marriage had been consummated.  The celebrating and feasting would continue for seven days during which time the bride remained hidden.   After the seven days when the bride (now unveiled) and groom re-emerge the marriage supper would be celebrated.  This represents the spiritual unity that will occur when Christ brings His Bride to Heaven and the veil of separation is finally removed! (In today’s Jewish customs the Cheder Yichud has largely been replaced by a four poled canopy  (Chuppah) under which the final part of the wedding ceremony takes place. The groom waits under the canopy praying for his friends that each would find his perfect mate, while the bride and her parents circle the Chuppah seven times before she goes in underneath and the ceremony is conducted.)

He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled.  (Joh 3:29, KJV)

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.  (1 Co 13:12, KJV)

10)  2nd cup of wine

Immediately after the wedding supper, the 2nd cup of wine is drunk.  As mentioned earlier this will be the first time Jesus has drunk wine since the last supper… in essence He wanted to drink that 4th cup of the Seder dinner, the cup of Praise, with us in Heaven on the wedding day!    Our joy will indeed by full on that great and glorious day.

Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine!  (Song of Solomon 4:9-10, KJV)

And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.  (Rev 19:9, KJV)

….my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.  (Psa 23:5-6, KJV)

And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.  (Joh 2:10, KJV)

Jesus not only fulfilled all of the messianic prophecies recording in Scripture, but it would seem that He also made a deliberate effort to fulfill the wedding traditions of the Jews so they would in turn recognize Him as a bridegroom.  I think this idea (and many others) are well supported by John’s comment that ” there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written” (John 21:25) For further study on Jewish Wedding Traditions I’d like to recommend an excellent book “The Jewish Way In Love & Marriage” by Maurice Lamm.

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AS CHRISTIANS, we celebrate Communion and remember Christ’s sacrifice, but most of us know very little about the actual dinner during which Christ broke the bread and passed the wine.  To the 12 disciples sitting at that table what took place had a much richer meaning.  The Jews had been celebrating Passover, the feast of Unleavened Bread for 1500 years prior to that night in keeping with God’s commandment to Israel when He delivered them from Egypt. In Exodus 12:17 we read: “You shall keep the feast of Unleavened Bread, for on this day I brought your companies out of the land of Egypt.  You shall observe this day throughout the generations as a practice for all times.”  There are many wonderful pictures that all point to Christ that can be uncovered in the Seder (the actual dinner & ritual celebrated during the feast of Unleavened Bread).  The following is a brief summary of the customs and their meanings.

Bedikat Chametz – Removal of Leaven

In preparation for the feast, a Jewish household not only abstains from eating anything leavened, but also completely clears their home of leaven.  “Exo 12:19-20 Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land. Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.”

The purposeful clearing out leaven is meant to be a picture of our cleansing ourselves from sin.  During the time of the Exodus, the Israelites left Egypt in such haste that they did not even have time to let their bread rise and it was baked unleavened.   Paul reminds believers in 1Co 5:7-8 that the leaven we are to abstain from is sin.   ” Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:  Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.”

Kiddush – The First Cup – The Cup Of Blessing (Sanctification)

During the course of the Seder dinner participants will drink 4 cups of wine, each celebrating one of the promises that God gave the Israelites in Exodus 6:6-7:

1) Cup Of Blessing (Sanctification):   “…I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians”

2) Cup of Plagues (Judgment): “…and I will deliver you from slavery to them”

3) Cup of Redemption (Suffering): “…and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm”

4) Cup of Praise (Joy): “…and I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God

Jesus prayed for His Church in John 17 regarding our sanctification, saying: “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth… And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.”   Jesus has provided a way for us to be delivered from the bondage of sin (our old taskmaster no less fierce than the Egyptians), this is indeed a blessing and we are to be sanctified by this truth.

Urchatz – The Washing Of Hands (without blessing)

This is not a washing of the hands for sanitary reasons, but one to demonstrate that we approach God with clean hands.

Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation. ”  (Psalm 24:3-5, KJV)

Karpas – Dipping Of The Parsley

A sprig of fresh parsley is dipped into saltwater (or vinegar) and eaten.  To the Jews, the green herb symbolized newness of life and the blessing of the fruit of the vine that God gives mankind.  During the Passover God’s people were instructed in Exo 12:22 to “take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning” thereby the angel of death would pass over and spare the first born among Israel.  If the parsley is dipped into saltwater it serves as a further reminder that the Israelites shed many tears while under bondage, as well as reminding them of the Red Sea which God split for them to walk across on dry land.    On yet another level it also reminds the Jews that it was Joseph’s tunic being dipped into blood that led to the Israelites going down into Egypt in the first place.  To the Christian it also reminds us that as Jesus hung on the cross he was offered a bunch of hyssop that had been dipped in vinegar to ease His thirst, after which He said “it is finished” (John 19:29).

Yachatz- Breaking the Middle Matzah

On the Seder will be a napkin (or fancier silk bag sometimes called a matzah tosh) in which three matzah crackers are wrapped.  The middle one is removed and broken.  One half of the broken matzah is replaced, while the other half (now called an Afikomen) is wrapped in a white linen and hidden away until the end of the meal.  To the Jew, the matzah represents the unleavened bread, the bread of affliction, as well as the pascal lamb which was slain (symbolized by being broken) whose blood was then used to paint the door lintels so the angel of death would pass-over.

To the Christian the matzah has an even richer meaning.  The three matzah crackers represent the trinity of God,  separate yet one, God the Father, God the Son (the middle Matzah) and God the Holy Spirit.  God the Son came down from Heaven (symbolized by being removed from the napkin with the other two matzahs) and was broken for us.  His broken body was then hidden in the grace for 3 days.

It is worth pausing to reflect on the traditional matzah cracker which has been made in the same way since the beginning of this Feast.

It is unleavened, symbolizing that Jesus has no sin.  It is striped just as Jesus bore stripes while he was scourged.   It is also bruised (toasted) just as He was bruised.  And finally it is also pierced, just as Jesus was pierced by soldier after He died.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.  (Isaiah 53:5, KJV)

But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs:  But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water.  (John 19:33-34, KJV)

Maggid/Makkot – The Story of Passover/ The Second Cup

During the Seder the story of Exodus is read aloud.    Through a mighty hand God poured out plagues on the Egyptians until Pharaoh let His people go.   The final plague, the death of the firstborn required that the Israelites slay a lamb whose blood would cause the angel of death to pass-over them.  As Christians we understand that Jesus has become the Lamb of God whose blood has taken away our sin.

The second cup of wine, the Cup Of  Plagues is drunk after the recounting of the passover story. Traditionally a drop of wine is spilled from the cup for each of the ten plagues. A  full cup is a symbol of joy and we do not rejoice even at the death of the Egyptians for we are all descendants of Adam and God does not rejoice that any should perish.

Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.  (Matthew 18:14, KJV)

Rachatz -The Washing Of The Hands

At this point in the Seder there is a second washing of the hands, this time with a blessing recited.   It was at this time that Jesus humbled Himself and washed His disciples feet during the Last Supper.

” He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.”  (John 13:4, KJV)

Maror -Eating Of The Bitter Herbs

A piece of matzah is now dipped into a mixture of Charoseth (apples, nuts, honey, cinnamon) which is sweet tasting but resembles the mortar the Israelites used with their bricks.  The matzah is then dipped into a dish of horseradish.   This is done to symbolize that even during times of bitterness, God is faithful to bring moments of sweetness.

The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.  (Proverbs 27:7, KJV)

How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalms 119:103, KJV)

Shulchan Orech – The Passover Supper

3500 years ago the Israelites ate their roasted lamb with their shoes on their feet, their staffs in hand, ready to run out the door to freedom.  Traditionally since then the Passover supper is eaten reclining and at rest.   Upon the Seder plate placed in the middle of the table you will find several items:

• a lamb bone:  symbolizing the slain lamb by whose blood death passed-over the Israelites
• horseradish: the bitter herb as a reminder of the bitterness of slavery
• charoseth: the sweet apple mixture that looks like brick mortar
• parsley: the green herb, reminiscent of the hyssop used to apply the lambs blood
• a roasted egg: a symbol of mourning for the destruction of the temple
• matzah: symbolizing the slain lamb

Tzaphun – Eating the Afikomen   &  Ha-geulah -The Third Cup    (COMMUNION)

The Afikomen is retrieved and everyone at the table partakes of a piece of the matzah cracker.  Then the third cup is blessed and enjoyed by all of the guests.  This is the part in the meal where Jesus instituted the communion remembrance.

He took the Afikomen, which represented His broken body which would lie in the grave for 3 days, broke it and had each of the disciples eat.  He then took the third cup, the Cup of Redemption/Suffering and stated that this was His blood, the blood with which He would make a new covenant, and had each of them drink.  He commanded that from that point forward the re-enactment of the bread/wine were to be done in remembrance of Him.  Also of special significance is the custom of proposing marriage in the Jewish culture.  A man would lift a cup of wine, bless it, drink from it, and offer it to his beloved, if she chose to drink from the same cup, they were legally betrothed to one another and nothing but a divorce would legally divide the two.  The wedding would take place usually about a year later after the bridegroom had departed to go prepare a place for his new wife to dwell with him.  Jesus, as our Bridegroom God, proposed to his Bride, The Church, by offering her the cup of suffering.  If we chose to drink of the cup which He offers us, we are His!  We can be certain that He will return for us, He even promised to go prepare a place for us in Heaven.

And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.  (Matthew 26:26-29 , KJV)

In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  (John 14:2-3, KJV)

And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.  (Revelation 5:13, KJV)

Looking for Elijah

Since the days of the prophet Malachi, traditionally a place is set at the Seder table for the prophet Elijah.  It was understood by the Jews that the Messiah would not come  before Elijah had come back.   A cup of wine would be poured and a child sent to the door to see if Elijah had come to the feast.  We know that John the Baptist came in the Spirit of Elijah before Jesus’ arrival, and that the Spirit of Elijah (and perhaps Elijah Himself if you hold to the understanding that He is one of the two witnesses mentioned in Revelation) will again be poured out in advance of Jesus’ second coming.

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD:  (Malachi 4:5, KJV)

And they asked him, saying, Why say the scribes that Elias must first come? And he answered and told them, Elias verily cometh first, and restoreth all things; and how it is written of the Son of man, that he must suffer many things, and be set at nought. But I say unto you, That Elias is indeed come, and they have done unto him whatsoever they listed, as it is written of him.  (Mark 9:11-13, KJV)

Hallel – The Fourth Cup

The Seder dinner concludes with the Fourth Cup, the Cup of Praise.    The last cup speaks of the time when God will gather all Israel unto Himself.   “Oh that the salvation of Israel were come out of Zion! when the LORD bringeth back the captivity of his people, Jacob shall rejoice, and Israel shall be glad” (Psalm 14:7, KJV).   To the Christian we are to understand that one day both believing Jew & Gentiles will be gathered together as the Bride of Christ at the marriage feast of the Lamb.

The night of the Last Supper, Jesus did not drink the fourth cup, instead saying that He would wait and drink it with His Bride in Heaven.

But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.  (Matthew 26:29, KJV)

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. …Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb….”  (Revelation 19:7-9, KJV)

In Conclusion

Jesus humbled Himself to the point of washing the feet of His disciples and willingly became our perfect sinless Passover Lamb.  H shed His blood to cover our sins  just as the Israelites could not have escaped death without shedding lamb’s blood during their Exodus from Egypt.  Jesus’ blood is also the blood by which the new covenant was sealed, the very wine of Redemption and Suffering from which He drank He now offers us as we consent to become His Bride.  He broke the Afikomen  (the matzah cracker that represented His own body). The Afikomen which represented that God literally come down from heaven, a matzah cracker that was bruised, striped and pierced just as He was about to become.   Jesus abstained from drinking the cup of Praise during the Last Supper, instead chosing to wait until we all drink it together in His Kingdom.   From the bitterness of the horseradish, to the sweetness of the charoseth, each element in the Seder dinner speaks of the Exodus of the Israelites and our own Salvation which was accomplished in full by Jesus.

THE ENEMY will continually seek to attack and erode your marriage.  The attacks are easier to spot if you maintain an awareness that your divorce is a trophy Satan is fervently seeking.  He will not rest night or day in this pursuit.

THE TWO STRATEGIES:  The first strategy will be a full frontal assault.   This can wreck a huge amount of damage very quickly.  These attacks come quickly and will catch you by surprise.  However they are also pretty big and easier to spot coming.  The second strategy is tunneling. Beware the slow erosion that happens in the unseen corners.  The tunnels the enemy digs in your own private mind will catch you unawares unless you continually focus on maintaining your godly foundations and a love for truth.

From the very beginning of your marriage you will hear the lies Satan whispers to you.  I assure you they are not reality and come from the pit of hell itself.  Depending on your particular fears and weaknesses they could be things like:

• this was a mistake, God had someone else in mind for you, but now you’ve blown it.
• you aren’t good enough, you don’t deserve this man, sooner or later he’ll grow tired of you and you’ll be tossed aside.
• you’re stuck.  Whatever conflict just happened can never be fixed and you have to suffer like this for the rest of your life, God will not rescue you, people don’t change.
• have you seen how beautiful his secretary is?  He desires her more than you.  You should distrust him.  You should withdraw to protect yourself.  He doesn’t love you.
• you aren’t attractive.  You need to do X, Y, Z and then maybe he’ll love you.
• why does he always treat me like this?  Its just like X used to do.  Why did I end up marrying someone like him?  I should kick him to the curb and look for what I deserve: better!

You may find that at times of weakness or anger your husband will be pushed by the enemy to voice some of these things to you.  This can be the cruelest of all attacks and may seem to confirm the very fears that have been growing.  Stay on your toes!

THE FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT: The enemy’s game plan is to craft every angle of a situation so that you can logically draw an incorrect assumption.  First you will hear the lie.  Then if you don’t hold every thought captive and test it, you will linger on it and soon start to wonder if the lie is true.  This will often come with a flood of emotional feelings.  You will feel it is true.  You will say yes to the hurt that it brings.  Now you are wide open for the final volley to come your way, some sort of outside confirmation or confrontation. Lets look at a scenario and spot the workings of the enemy.  Yes its simplistic, but life is like this, lets learn to recognize things early and deal with them in righteousness before God.

SCENARIO: Your husband just called from work to say he’s running late and not to expect him for dinner.

THE SET UP: The enemy whispers: “He doesn’t  like to eat your cooking. Remember how his mother commented at Thanksgiving that you still have a long road ahead of you in the cooking department? Remember how last week he said he thought the chicken was overcooked?  He knows you are making chicken again tonight, coincidence???”

YOUR FIRST CHANCE: Recognize that even at this stage (when nothing has technically even happened yet!) there is a fork in the road.  You can now choose to assume that your husband hates your cooking, or you can ask him about it later.  If you decide not to ask him because you’re pretty sure its true, you’ve taken the first step in believing the lie.  The second step is equally small.  Now that you’ve reeled that thought in and started to make it your own, you now feel terrible that your husband hates your cooking.  In come the emotions, a relentless flood of disappointment and hurt, anger towards him, self hatred towards yourself and perhaps a desire to be short and snippy with him when he comes home later.

YOUR SECOND CHANCE: Your primary battlefield will be your own mind. Even if you believe that he hates your cooking you can choose to talk to him about that later tonight and see about finding a good solution.  But, if you now allow yourself to take this a step further you will think and linger on the things you could say to lash out and ease those swirling emotions: “So, I didn’t save you any of that chicken you hate to eat. You know, I don’t live my life just to slave in the kitchen coming up with meals you won’t eat.  Sorry my cooking isn’t to your liking, guess you can have cereal or fend for yourself!”

YOUR THIRD CHANCE: Now comes the actual confrontation…  up until this point you can still back down and ask God to reveal the truth to you or set your heart to ask your husband directly before you walk directly into trouble.  When your husband walks in the front door at 8pm if you attack him you have a 50/50 chance that he will give in to the enemy and be pushed to react in a way that confirms the lie.  However, if you welcome him home and then find a quiet time to politely ask him (yes, ASK him, not accuse him, not attack him, not make statements at him or for him) you can dismiss the lie of the enemy and no harm is done.   Lets say that when he comes home you lash out at him in some way over your perceived hate for your cooking and a fight breaks out.

YOUR FOURTH CHANCE: During the fight you still have the opportunity to make a u-turn.  You can stop,  apologize, and ask him if he likes your cooking.  This is something that takes practice and is very difficult.   I can guarantee that if you pick a fight based on something the enemy sent your way, the enemy will send in spiritual reinforcements on both sides and tempers will flare.   The enemy wants love to grow cold.  He desires for you to believe lies about each other and about yourselves.   He would love nothing more than to sever all lines of communications and have you both operate in continual assumption and accusation towards one another.  Oh, and as many hurtful things that you can hurl at each other in the process, all the better to him.

YOUR FIFTH CHANCE: After the fight has ended and an appropriate cool down time has elapsed (perhaps because one or both walked away during the fight?) spend time in prayer and repent.  Then spend time confessing to your spouse and forgiving one another.  Usually it will be during this time of confession that God will help you trace the origins of the hurt.   In this case, forgive your mother-in-law and cast out the lie that your husband hates your cooking.  Afterward, enter into a “council of war” discussion with one another.   These talks have one purpose: to strengthen one another against further attacks.  Resolve to ask each other about everything.  No more assuming.  No more accusing.

THE TUNNEL STRATEGY: Godly behavior is not defined by doing everything possible to avoid getting into fights. In this case if you “behave” correctly and didn’t get into a fight, but still let that lie go unanswered you have still lost.   In the eyes of the enemy this is a great outcome!   In rolling over and playing dead you’ve let the enemy transition a simple direct attack into a more dangerous long-term tunneling campaign.   That lie about your cooking is going to fester and go deep.    You will take that hurt and push it aside and try to live normally but sooner or later it will eat away at you and be a hot spot the enemy hits again and again.   The enemy wants you destroyed.  He wants you to become his captive.  He wants you to lock up your heart and stop caring.  He wants you to despair and hate yourself.   The only escape is to learn to live in reality.   It can be really painful and difficult to take every little thing you think and ask yourself, is this true?    This process should be lifelong.  I think of it as poking around for tunnels.   I know the enemy is trying to tunnel under me and breach the fort, so I will continually go poking around and examine everything.    I’m still learning about this, I hope to write more fully on this topic in the future.

DURING OUR FIRST YEAR of marriage, Michael spent a lot of time teaching me about biblical submission.  I confess that it was my own behavior (which regrettably was anything BUT submissive) that often prompted these times of teaching.  At times the tears flowed freely and I felt so frustrated and that all the days of my life were going to be filled with me being crushed into the ground and losing myself.    The transition from single to wife can be wrought with difficulties and the first year of marriage is usually the hardest.

Submission is a lesson you learn over and over.  Each time a situation arises you have the opportunity to behave in a godly fashion, or chose to indulge the flesh.  When faced with that split-second, in-the-moment choice it will always cost you something to obey.  You have to put your flesh to death in a very real way by refusing to indulge it.  Submission always produces life and liberty…but usually not right away.

So what is the seed that you can choose to water so that the desire to submit will actually grow within you?  It is an understanding of proper authority.  Did you know that the Godhead actually operates in submission?  The Holy Spirit is in perfect submission to Jesus who is always in perfect submission to The Father.  What a discovery!  As a believer I live under the authority of God.  And as a wife I live under God’s delegated authority to my husband.  So in a very real sense when I am submitting to my husband, I do so knowing full well that I honor God and His representative in my life.

Submission will always remain a choice.  This is a truth that deserves some serious meditation.  Each choice I make, no matter how little pleases the very heart of God when I obey.  Since Jesus says that those who love Him will obey him, I keep this in mind and my obedience therefore becomes my joy.  I water this seed over and over and pray that God will unfold this truth to me so that when an “opportunity” to submit arises, I can more easily side with righteousness.  I can bring forth spiritual fruit.

This is not an issue of always “giving in” to my husband or being a doormat.  This is an issue of me keeping myself within the will of God and positioning myself and my husband for blessing.  Rebellion does not produce life.

Submission is a perfect choice, it honors God, it honors my husband and it brings forth the very character of God in my life.

Lord I pray that this understanding will minister to the ladies who will read this blog post.  May it be a seed that they will plant in their hearts and water with prayer and meditation.  Bring forth a great harvest and bless your beloved daughters.  Amen.

Setting Your Heart to Love the Things Your Spouse Loves

IN THE FIRST BLUSH OF LOVE the thing that often holds us fascinated is how much the other person is “just like me.”  This commonality is a strong platform for the beginning stages of a relationship and if carefully nurtured will bond two people together very closely. It is a starting point for conversations and will provide inspiration for dates that will interest and excite both parties. In fact the more two people have in common the easier it is for them relate and respect each other. Everyone one of us loves what we do, wants to be loved while doing it and have someone equally interested partake of our joys.

As a relationship progresses a sense of the different (yet complimentary) strengths and interests develops. The woman who never had a knack for cooking will sing the praises of her husband who excels in the kitchen. The differences in social dynamics are also seen as positive. The introverted man will appreciate the more extroverted woman who is at ease at parties and can start conversations easily. He likes sports, she likes tailgating and it seems as if things couldn’t be better! Finding ways to become a team adds a new level of closeness and its exciting to discover that two people can fit together so well even in their differences.

At some point the glow starts to wear off as all the little things that were so easily overlooked start to take their toll. Sin has a way of unraveling our love for one another. The man who at first was praised for his confidence is now seen more as a braggart. The woman who had such grace and ease in conversation is now seen as more of a gossip. Whether it is the dirty socks next to the bed every night or the unwashed dishes in the sink, the enemy knows just how to push our buttons. In small ways the woman will start disrespecting her husband, and the husband will feel the love he holds for his wife slowly ebbing away. (For a wonderful and complete examination of this specific problem, please read the book ‘Love and Respect’ by Dr. Eggerich!)

There will usually emerge one specific thing that a wife can identify as the thief of her husbands affections. This perceived “affection thief” can take many forms: sports, cars, video games, poker night, hunting season, camping or fishing trips with the guys, his job, his family, the book he would rather be reading… any number of pursuits that hold his interest can feel like your worst nightmare. What is a woman to do?

Our natural fleshly reaction is to wage war against this intruder to our marriage. Who can sit idly by while a thief is stealing from you?  Our natural instinct is to attack the thief and defend what rightfully belongs to us.  But unfortunately, this means attacking something our husband holds dear, and that will never produce the intimacy we so heart-fully desire.

In my own marriage I struggled to capture the attention and affection of my husband. His hobby shifted in my heart from being something I had once admired to what began to feel like an excuse not to spend time with me.  His hobby had not actually changed, but our relationship had.  I now required more “face time” from him than his hobby provided.  But I didn’t know how to communicate this need to him in a way that he could understand.  Men and women have different needs and it can be hard to grasp a need you don’t have yourself.

I prayed for months that God would help him disconnect from his hobby so I could claim his time for myself.  I prayed that God would turn his heart towards me, that I could be half as exciting to him as his hobby.  But no change came.

I have learned that when I pray consistently and see no change that it is time to ask God what I’m doing wrong.  When I did this, God answered.  As usual, His answer made so much sense.

God reminded me how much I like it when my husband loves what I do, and how close I feel when we are together in purpose.  Could it be?  Should I turn my heart and seek to love the things my husband does? So I began praying that God would help me support my husband and be a helpmate to him in this area. I surrendered my own battle and asked God to go to war against anything that displeased Him. I was now free to devote myself wholeheartedly to pursuing what my husband loved and I did a u-turn in my heart concerning his hobby.

It is an amazing truth to discover that your self-will can set the course for your emotions. If you set your mind to love something, in time your emotions will gradually realign themselves. It may take hours, or days or weeks, but it is going to happen. Don’t believe me? Take the challenge and see!

Soon I was noticing that he was less interested in his hobby and more eager to spend time with me. Within a few weeks he was telling me about his heart changes towards the way he spends his time. As I genuinely changed my heart, God genuinely changed his. Make no mistake, he still loves his hobby, but now I do too (genuinely and with all of my emotions).

Now I can almost hear you thinking that this is a very idyllic situation, so lets address the big “what if’s” that pop up:  What if my husband loves something I could never love?

Good news! This principle works on the simple things as well as the more difficult things. In fact the tougher the resistance (on his side, or on yours) the bigger the breakthrough God has in store for one or both of you. Let’s use the example of a man who is a hardcore hunter and his wife who is vegan. How could those two ever see eye to eye on that?  First of all, make no mistake that it will take God to make the change.  That will only happen through submission and prayer.  For the husband it may involve his heart being changed to other things. For the wife it may involve a total turnaround on her original position. It may involve a little of both. God is creative, and has no problem identifying for you, or for your spouse, what needs to change.  In every area of your life that you submit to God’s authority, He is faithful and will bring about the needed changes so there will be a new partnership and connection where neither is fighting the other anymore.

What if what my husband loves is ungodly or even dangerous? Let me first say that if you are in danger you should always remove yourself and your children from that situation right away. I am also not intending for you to end up loving and supporting ungodly behavior. What I am encouraging you to do thru this article is to learn to properly apply Godly submission to even the small things and watch God bring about positive changes, even in things as small as hobbies. When things are really bad, God is big enough to deal with them…. but you need to make sure that you, as the wife are not out of line as well. In the case of your husband acting in ungodly ways (from the big things like potentially cheating on you to taking drugs, to some of the smaller things like not wanting to go Church weekly or not making time to pray with you each day) first off stay out of his way. It is not your role to tell your husband over and over again that he is wrong. I like to think that I have the obligation as his helpmate to tell him ONCE that he is wrong and express my heart. Then I back off 100% and never mention it to him again. Now each time I want to open my mouth I turn around, walk out of the room and go seek God on my knees. HE is the one who is going to bring about change, not me. Just remember that: “HE, not me.”  If you are trying to help God along, or take the reigns to make sure things change then YOU are out of line and trust me, nothing happens until one of you repents and comes to God. If you’re pretty sure it won’t be your husband, then it had better be you who realigns with God’s will for your life. Your role is to pray and ask God to intervene, and in the meantime support your husband in every good way that is still possible. (I’m not saying if he’s got a drug addiction that you go buy his drugs for him, I’m saying that during his rebellion phase, you are in your obedience phase. Persevere in prayer and maintain a correct attitude towards him and your marriage.)

What if my husband isn’t a believer, is there any hope this might work?  I can say without a doubt that your obedience and submission to God will position your husband for change. 1st Cor 7:14: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife.”

That word sanctified means “to make holy, to ceremonially purify and consecrate.” Things that are holy and pure and consecrated are things that are set apart for Gods use. Yes, since your husband isn’t a believer this will usually take more time and you will have to go to war spiritually against the darkness that holds him captive, but there is hope. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he will become a believer, but only that God will honor your prayers and change his heart if his heart is the one that needs changing. Hint, hint.

What if I change my heart and begin to pray and support him and nothing changes? This can only mean one of two things: you aren’t doing it properly, or you were the one who needed the changing! In my experience I pray until I know for certain which of these two applies. There have been many times when I’ve stopped opposing and started praying, but God still requires me to go further and start supporting before things change. I’ve also shot myself in the foot many times by continuing to bring it up.  Call it nagging or encouraging, but I assure you they are the same thing. You should only tell your husband once and then let God take it from there. Are you concerned that your husband has forgotten that you even said anything?  Back off and ask God to remind him. There have also been countless times when God wanted me to die to self and have a total turnaround and by no means does my husband have to change at all. Each time that was the case I would eventually hear from God that He was pleased with my prayers and change, and that my heart change was His will all along.

A surprise effect was that my love and support for him are actually a source of great attraction. Learning this principle can re-ignite the romance more than those 10 pounds you are trying to lose, more than the new haircut or outfit you would like to try out, more even than that island getaway you are saving up for! And best of all, the resulting closeness lasts.  A new spiritual bond is created and the love that is generated on a spiritual level for another is much more powerful than merely emotional feelings or physical attraction.

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