Dawn’s Journal

by Dawn Crouch on November 12th, 2010

This Journal is a record of my time at the International House Of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP-KC). Specifically, it covers time spent in the Intro To IHOP internship (Track One), which lasts 3 months.  As a journal, this is simply a personal look into my day-to-day experiences and thoughts as I pursue God and His call to receive from Him at this church / missions base.  For those wondering what I’m doing here, and what prompted me to make the move to Kansas City, please see “The Last Hurdle” for more details.  And for those family and friends who would like to follow me vicariously along my journey, this journal is provided as a window into my personal struggles and triumphs along the way.

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1: Handing in the Keys — 11-12-2010, Friday

IT’S A FUNNY FEELING when the key to your future lies in handing over your current keys. Today I handed in my keys to the office where I have worked for 5 ½ years. In just 3 days I will hand over the keys to the apartment we have called home for nearly as long. Ironic? Absolutely! I am trading one set of roles, responsibilities and challenges for another…as yet unseen in Kansas City.

I’ve lost count how many of my friends, family, co-workers, and clients have expressed that they are at least a little envious of the opportunity ahead of me. (Let’s just say if you are reading this post, odds are good that you are one of them.) One year ago I felt the same way. Our friends Chris and Ellyn mentioned that they would be moving to Colorado in the Spring. They shared with us that although they didn’t yet have a home there, or even jobs, that they felt the Lord calling them and they were going for it. I felt a little envious. I confess my primary motivation was wanting some of the “newness” and adventure that a move like that inevitably brings. But more than that, it caused me to take a look at the keys in my hand and ask if they still unlocked the right doors. Change doesn’t frighten me. And neither does persevering where I am planted. What frightens me is missing the changing of the seasons. So I began to ask God a question we all need to ask repeatedly in life: “Are we still where we are supposed to be?” And by March I had received confirmation that something new was coming. But what?

Here’s my little secret: from the time I was a small girl I can remember piling up my stuffed animals all around me and tucking myself into a blanket with a bowl of cheese and crackers (this represented ultimate happiness back then) and letting myself dream big. Now that I’ve become a Christian and realized that this gift of the ‘dream’ is a God given call placed on my heart, it has become an important part of what makes me, me! I’ll ask God to guide my heart and place His will deep in there for me to find and discover and ultimately treasure and nurture into reality alongside Him. So in March, Michael and I started fasting. And I started dreaming. I imagined what the perfect transition would be…. It looked like this: a thriving Church, time for me to study and pray and blossom into the next level of life: ministry. The steps on how to do that seemed pretty clear to me: first off I needed to give my current boss plenty of time to replace me. Second, I needed to find a thriving Church and see how we could connect for a season. Then once the dream is in focus, a season of prayer ensues where I ask God if I’ve got it right. God confirmed He was waiting for us to make the move to Kansas City and here we are all these months later and it is all coming together. (For those of you who think I am the most organized person you know, sorry to disappoint you, I’m not that organized by nature. What I do is dream the situation I’m about to face and the solutions are evident. I am convinced that God speaks to me in this way often. For example, party planning. I dream the event, thinking of who will be there, what music will be playing, what food and drinks are served, what games (if any) are played, how long it lasts…everything. Then I just make it happen. Sorry I can’t take the credit for all those fun times you had at my place, didn’t you realize that you were God’s guest?)

For those who have asked, and those who are still wondering, no, I’m not afraid. And no, I’m not all that sad to be leaving. A season with no income? God will provide! Not even having a home set up there yet, again God will provide! YES I will miss everyone, so please don’t hold my lack of tears against me! I am filled with Joy. His name is Jesus and if you haven’t met Him, now would be a good time.

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2: The Movers –
11-20-2010, Saturday

THE MOVERS have hauled away our belongings and now we find ourselves on the open road.  The movers portion went by very smoothly, everything carefully wrapped and loaded within 3 hours.  Michael had thought Molly would handle our transition better if she were present when the movers hauled everything away and she immediately got in the car with us.  She certainly had an odd look on her face as things were literally turned over at our place!

We had a quick farewell lunch with Gary & Kisa. (If you haven’t been to “High 5 Pizza in Menlo Park, you should make a point of going for their lunchtime buffet.  Pretty amazing!) It has been hard to say goodbye to everyone.  There have been lots of hugs and well wishes all around.  There have been plenty of heart-wrenching moments interspersed with really happy ones.  We both feel the tremendous hope and support of those who gave us our send off from California.  I think what Gary said to me right at the end of lunch sums everything up nicely: “I can’t wait until I can buy you lunch again.” It’s not so much a goodbye, but a “we’ll see you soon” attitude. We are on our way forward and hope that our paths will cross with YOU again soon!  After lunch we hit the road and highway 80 took us to Reno for the night.  The very first song I played was Justin Rizzo’s worship song: Let Your Glory Cover The Earth.

Driving through Nevada the next morning we were listening to some music this afternoon and the John Michael Montgomery song “Nothing comes between us” was playing.  Michael was driving ever onwards seemingly undisturbed, but I was chocking back tears as the guy on the radio sang: “There will finally come a moment, when one man, and one woman get everything that they’ve been praying for…..” I think those silent prayers of the heart that get uttered at moments like that are treasured by God.  My heart said “Yes Lord.  Let that moment come”.  Most of the afternoon we spent listening to Mike Bickle teach on the First Commandment.  To think that God loves us the way that He loves Jesus is an incredible treasure.  I am so very excited to be headed toward IHOP for a season of transformation.  Its time to get the right perspectives in life and put the things that matter most in the first priority.

I’m very familiar with the Rocky Mountains (after all we have them in Canada too you know!) and we both enjoyed the drive on Hwy 70 towards Denver.  Going thru Vail was beautiful, Michael thought it should be renamed “Christmas Village”.  There were icicles hanging from the buildings and sparkling in the sunshine, it was really a picture perfect glimpse of the best Colorado has to offer.  As we were winding our way down the mountains we got our first glimpse of the great plains, an incredible flatness that stretched all the way to the horizon.  I turned to Michael and said “we live down there, about 12 hours away”.  He sighed a little, its hard for him to leave the Ocean and the mountains behind.  “I’m ready” he said, and smiled.  We both are.

But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.  (Act 20:24)

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3: Thousands — 11-30-2010, Tuesday

ONE THOUSAND ONE, one thousand two, one thousand three…. mile after mile we have journeyed from California thru Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, Nebraska, South Dakota, Iowa, Kansas and finally “home” to Missouri. We have seen beautiful countryside, and enjoyed visits with friends and family. Last night I sat on the king size hotel bed for a long time before I started to feel like I had finally stopped moving 70 miles an hour and arrived. But all it took was an hour in the prayer room today to feel like I had truly reached my destination.

What began six months ago as the leading of the Lord has now been fully birthed. It has become the Lord’s provision. In the process we have stretched our faith to believe that the Lord is good (ie: that we can trust His leadership for our lives to be good) and that His mercy endures forever (ie: that we actually qualify for His blessing even in the face of our many shortcomings and sins). It is a humbling experience to see God work out every detail. I have prayed specifically for the home we would move into for those entire six months. On the first day we are in Kansas City, and just the third home we looked at, we realized we’d found the hidden gem He has been preparing for us this whole time. The sign out in the yard said “for rent $1050/month”. Well, for me, God even lowered it to the $800 we can afford it because that was what I asked. I love seeing black marker scratch out high prices! Oh God you ravish my heart…you know how much I love a sale! Many, many times the enemy has come and whispered to me that I was asking for too much and willing to pay too little. (3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, finished basement, air conditioning, deck, big fenced yard….) Satan has said that I should scale back so that God can actually come thru and give me something lesser which is what I really deserve. Well Satan, I agree with you that I don’t deserve anything good, but I also know my Heavenly Father owns the whole world and that He delights to answer the prayers of his children. I have not wavered in faith because I know my God is good. I’m eager to make this new house our home, and fling wide the doors so we can welcome guests from near and far. Consider yourself invited.

Even though we just arrived in Kansas City late last night, we made time to go visit the prayer room today. My first impressions:

1) Wow, the air is thick! I took a deep breath. I took a moment and really tested this one out. It wasn’t the same kind of thick air you experience when it’s hot, I could feel the air circulating and it was cool, clean and fresh. It was thick because the Holy Spirit was present. The Bible says “Psa 22:3 But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.” I think today I received a small glimpse of that, God really does inhabit the praises of his people in a tangible way.  I’m giddy to think I can go back for more tomorrow!

2) Wow, there are a lot of people here for a Tuesday mid-morning. We had to ask an usher to help us find two seats together. Yes, you guessed it, we ended up in the 2nd row front and center.

3) Wow, where did the time go? We sat down, began praying, singing along, engaging in the intercession being done and whoops before you know it a full hour had passed in what seemed like minutes. This made me realize that eternity is a HUGE gift! The feeling I had when we had to leave was crushing. (Like having to put down your toys and go eat vegetables! Ha!) At least when we get to be face to face with God I will have forever with Him. I won’t have to walk away. I won’t run out of time. For perhaps the first time ever, it finally clicked with me that eternity with God won’t actually get boring after ten thousand years.

4) Wow, this is different in significant ways. First off the music isn’t blaring at me in the make-your-ears-bleed way that a lot of worship leans toward. (People, sheer volume doesn’t make you sound better, or make up for the lack of the presence of God). Secondly there were like 12 people up on stage, each worshiping on their own, yet totally in tune with each other, and they sounded great. No one was show-boating. Thirdly, there were people standing, people sitting, people on laptops, people pacing up and down the aisles, people kneeling in the corner… but none of it was distracting. In the midst of activity it was peaceful. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to worship meetings where one person will go off to the side or the altar to kneel and that I can’t take my eyes of them no matter how hard I’m trying to not notice them. It’s not like that here.

I suppose as a caveat I should remind people that this was just my first visit. I’m sure there are worship teams here at IHOP that are louder than what I heard today, and I know it will be different when there are individual leaders up there on the stage. I don’t know if I will get that same initial “feeling” when I walk in again tomorrow, next week, next year.

I’m so happy. I just know this is where I want to be, and I’ve known that for months even though I’d never been here before. I rejoice that we have crossed those thousands of miles safely. I rejoice that God has provided us with a home on our first day here and it is everything we asked. I rejoice that this season is just beginning. Where will it lead? I can’t wait to find out!

But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God: yea, let them exceedingly rejoice. (Psalms 68:3, KJV)

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4: Come And See — 12-16-2010, Thursday

UNEXPECTED. That would be how I would describe the feeling that overcame me as I was unpacking the last few boxes here in Kansas City. I had anticipated I would feel relieved, happy, settled. Especially after waiting 10 days for the movers to deliver our stuff! So what was this strange sensation of tears welling up in my eyes, this pressure in my chest, this sense of unease? I almost put the candles back in the box. It was like a countdown timer had just been re-set and now I was merely beginning to tick off the days until I would have to re-pack all of these boxes again. Where do we go from here? What lies on the other side of this internship? And the tiniest voice inside of me said “what have I done?” Uh oh.

I sat myself down in my comfy chair in the living room. This feeling seemed so odd I thought perhaps it was spiritual warfare, but as I started to pray the Holy Spirit had something to say. I listened. He spoke to my heart and said to me that this was how the disciples had felt when they went on the road following after Jesus too. They had left behind jobs, family, stability, all to just follow Jesus. He didn’t promise them anything. He just invited them to come and see. No talk of what comes afterwards. But that didn’t mean He didn’t have plans for them.

Oh wow, OK, can’t believe I didn’t think about that at all as we pursued this calling to move to out here. I’ve accepted an invitation to come along for the ride as Jesus goes about His Father’s business. I can let go and enjoy the journey because Jesus is the one I’m following, neither Michael nor I has the responsibility of deciding where we go from here when the internship is done. And just as surely as were led to come, we will be led to go. Sigh of relief. We now return you to your regularly scheduled celebrations…

Then Jesus turned, and seeing them following, said to them, “What do you seek?” They said to Him, “Rabbi” (which is to say, when translated, Teacher), “where are You staying?” {39} He said to them, “Come and see.” (John 1:38-39, NKJV)

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5: Walking down the aisle? — 12-18-2010, Saturday

ITS 10:30pm, we just got home from the 6pm I.H.O.P. Saturday night service.  So many things are happening inside of me spiritually right now but there are a few I think I have unraveled enough to share.

First, during the worship set I was able to not only sing along but actually sing my own song.  I’m not always able to free my heart like that, the music usually draws me in and I just sing along and engage.  I had this wonderful concept swirling through my mind so I let myself start to sing it straight to Jesus.  I’m the bride, walking down the aisle at my wedding.  Jesus is at the altar at the far end waiting for me and smiling.  Each step I take in life is one step closer to Him.  Lord I desire to be clothed in righteousness and be wholly beautiful in your sight.  All around me are other people, some watching me, some watching Him, most just doing their own thing.  Life can be very distracting and I want to walk forward with purpose and joy but I get easily distracted and end up sitting in the pews until I remember to keep my eyes on Him.  So I sang.  I sang about my desire to know Him more fully and to fall more in love with Him. I will be meditating and praying through this for a long time to come.

Mike Bickle’s sermon tonight was on the Bridegroom revelation in the New Testament.  What a treat, and it exactly dovetailed with what I had just been singing.  Jesus defines Himself as a Bridegroom.  Not just for a little while, for all of eternity.  His passion and love for His bride never diminish and He is eagerly waiting for the right moment in history to return for us.  There is so much in there (6 pages of notes in today’s handout) that I will be eagerly pursuing over the holidays.  During Christmas we often think of “baby Jesus” and the wonderful gift of the incarnation.  But its time to also think of His death and resurrection, and for our desire to grow for His soon coming return.

Now that we are here in Kansas City, Michael’s years of parallel studies on Marriage & Salvation are being knit together in a new way.  We are so hungry to see the fulfillment of what God is preparing in us and for us.  Stay tuned!

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6: Consecration? — 1-15-2011, Saturday

YESTERDAY’S ORIENTATION DAY, was so uplifting.  We followed the call of God and have left everything behind to be here.  We discovered that this is the common story of our 200+ fellow interns.  To follow God there is a cost, and we have all gladly paid it to be here.  There is a collective sense of hope for encounter with God and personal transformation.

Today’s topic is consecration.  The teaching was very challenging!  You don’t have to consecrate your life to be a Christian, its an invitation you can choose to accept or ignore, its entirely voluntary.  Consecration is something we commit to do in cooperation with the Grace of God.  It is an invitation to “separate from” certain things and “separate unto” others.  In my mind I’m here for more of God, but obviously for that to happen I literally need to make some room for Him to come in.  It felt like sorting through your life and finding the dead weight you can toss out.  So out comes the junk.  Out comes the little things that nag the back of your mind as just the chaff of life.  Out comes the stuff I hang unto for entertainment or comfort.  And more than just giving up bad stuff, this will likely involve giving up some things that aren’t bad at all, they just aren’t the best…they aren’t Gods best.

This just got really personal, really fast.  Am I willing to pay the price of self-denial in my search to obey and find more of God?

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7: The Song — 2-03-2011, Thursday

THE INTERNSHIP is turning out to be a lot more “hands-on” than I had initially suspected.  How very sneaky!  The sample schedule enclosed with the application showed 24 hours a week in the prayer room, 20 hours of teaching and a few hours blocked off for something curiously called team building.   Since these are our first baby steps into ministry training and neither of us has yet received the filling of the Holy Spirit in a tangible way, we looked over that schedule very carefully for any sign that we were going to be in over heads.

Our teachers have been declaring since day 1 that we are all considered part of the ministry team.   You read that right, I’m on the ministry team.  I was surprised too!   Most everyone around us is already walking in their gifting and callings and they are loving the opportunity to be involved.  I feel very unprepared but I have also discovered that my spirit is very willing.  So I have thrown myself into this, wholeheartedly.

Here’s what allowed me to jump in:
1) I know that I’m a believer and I have a measure of the Holy Spirit.
2) I hear from God. (not a lot yet, but I do hear his voice)
3) I’m here because God sent me.  So obviously He intends for this to work somehow.  If I need more than I have of the Holy Spirit to get the job done I have no doubt that it will be supplied.  In fact I sort of hope that I will run into that invisible wall and the Holy Spirit will just have to show up to help me knock it down.  Come Holy Spirit!

This morning  as our worship service reached the alter call phase I felt nothing special.  Within a few minutes our teachers had called out things they felt the Lord wanted to address and most of the chairs around me emptied as students streamed forward to receiver prayer or to pray.   One leader was then given another word of knowledge about those who are mourning the loss of a dream or vision and a girl a few rows ahead of me raised her hand.  My friend Shawna and I were sitting together and quickly realized that no one was really left to pray for her so I said “We’re the ministry team” and we went towards her.   We ended up behind her, with our hands on her shoulders.   I began to pray silently, and for the benefit of my beloved readers I will write an approximation of what I said: “Holy Spirit, I know you are here and moving in our midst, this girl needs some help, I want to agree with your heart this morning and help release Your  perfect will in her life.  What should I ask for?”  And then I waited.  I listened and wasn’t hearing anything, but I was feeling a push to sing.   I prayed out loud something to the effect of: “Lord, I ask you to send the Holy Spirit in greater measure and that He would come as the Comforter she so desires.  Lord, reveal your nature to her, show her your heart, comfort her over what has been lost and even now begin to plant new desires in her heart that WILL come to pass.”  Another few moments went by, others had joined us and began to pray out loud in turn.  When each person had prayed out loud and the group had turned to praying softly in tongues (which I can’t do) I noticed the urge to sing was still there… so I began to sing over her.   My song was about God and His ways and His love and comfort and as I began to sing I really began to sense the tangible presence of God come over me.  Soon the others had stopped praying, and slowly they drifted back to their seats.   A minute or two later I felt the Spirit lift and I went and sat back down too.

It was only when I sat back down at my seat that I remembered this verse, and was greatly encouraged!

“1Co 14:15  I will pray with the spirit, and I will pray with the understanding also: I will sing with the spirit, and I will sing with the understanding also.”

Shawna came over for lunch and asked me if I had ever sung over someone like that before, I had to reply that no I had not.   She declared that it had been really powerful.  (This confirmation meant the world to me, she is becoming such a dear friend in the Lord. She’s further along in the faith than I am and is spirit filled and already knows she is called to minister to the Muslims in Michigan!)  Of course this whole conversation took place with Michael at the lunch table and he was looking at me with a quizzical little smile on his face (he had gone up for prayer and wasn’t there to hear me singing).  He was excited to hear the account of me singing, even though he feels no such urges.   I rejoice to see his heart posturing itself to support and encourage me in my freedom of expression.  I know how much he is wanting God to release things into his life but even as I am moving forward a little I am so happy that there isn’t one iota of envy or discouragement in him.  I love him so much.   I can’t wait for God to bulldoze him off his surefooted feet!

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8: God Really Likes Who I Am — 2-04-2011, Friday

LAST WEEK I had the first of several little “how are things going” meetings with our internship core group leadership.  The fifteen minutes just whizzed past and at the end Megan had a few encouraging words for me from the Lord.  She said that God really likes who I am and wants to see that fully expressed.  I didn’t really have to time to dwell on that statement as the internship is truly a sprint and I had somewhere to be immediately afterward.

Today we had a core group debriefing meeting.  This hour long meeting is part informational, part fellowship, part prayer.  When it came to my turn to say something brief I confessed that I have really been feeling God enjoy me lately.  Somehow at the very beginning of my Christian walk I sort of took a detour into legalism and started to hack pieces of myself off to fit a more buttoned down “bible-y” definition of what I thought a Christian should look like…all very sanitized and proper, of course.  I lost some of my joy in the journey and it has been returning to me here at IHOP as if fresh wind is literally filling me up again.  The other day I was baking pies and I could feel God’s delight in me.  I am laughing more, and I see new joy on the horizon.  God is happy that I am here and that I am willing to step forward even when I don’t know the steps to this new dance.  I even told Michael that I think my glorified body is going to be really sparkly because its how I’m starting to feel in my spirit.  (Hooray for glorified bodies when Jesus returns!)

Watch out world, Dawn’s got a smile on her face and a sparkle in her spirit.

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9: A Purple Silk Blindfold — 2-05-2011, Saturday

TODAY WAS PROPHECY DAY. The track two students are put into groups and then prophesy over the track one students.  (Okay if we still had any doubts, now we KNOW we won’t be jumping into track two unless we are properly equipped first!)

I will let Michael decide what, if anything he wants to post about what was spoken over him.  Here are two of the many things that were spoken over me, and for your benefit I will also explain how I feel about it. (In total 7 people spoke over us, so there is quite a lot to process!)

1) The purple silk blindfold.  I am a daughter of the King.  I have royal lineage and God gives me great favor when I put my hand to something.  God has carefully wrapped a royal purple silk blindfold over eyes for a season.  He is leading me by the hand and taking me to a very beautiful place.  As we get approach He is speaking things softly to me and He wants me to pay close attention and respond.  This is a season of learning to hear the music of His voice and learning the feel of His leading hand.  When we arrive I will be able to walk in confidence that I do hear His voice and trust His guidance.

>> How I feel about it: I told Michael just a few days ago that I feel like so much great stuff is happening all around me but I just can’t see it.  Yet in the midst of not knowing or comprehending the totality of it all, I am hearing God and moving forward and I don’t feel uneasy or like I’m missing out.  The part about the “music” of His voice really struck me because of the experience I had just a few days ago with singing over someone at the leading of the Holy Spirit.

2) A lady in the first group was feeling sheepish of what she spoke.  She said “I hear God saying over and over “I just love her”.  And God is pointing me to Zephaniah 3:17 for you.”  She was sorry she didn’t have more, but didn’t want to add anything that was not from God.

>> How I felt: WOW.. Jesus you are so funny.  That’s what *I* always say about people.  Michael must be tired of hearing me say: “you know so and so… I just love her!”  It’s what I say when I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t have the right words to describe it.  To hear God say that about me meant so much. It immediately communicated to me an excited bubbly kind of love.  And the verse…  its a great one: “The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty, he will save.  He will rejoice over thee with joy, he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.”  Again with the singing.  I’m starting to see the power of song!

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10: God Really Likes Who I Am – 2-14-2011, Monday

LAST WEEK I had the first of several little “how are things going” meetings with our internship core group leadership.  The fifteen minutes just whizzed past and at the end Megan had a few encouraging words for me from the Lord.  She said that God really likes who I am and wants to see that fully expressed.  I didn’t really have to time to dwell on that statement as the internship is truly a sprint and I had somewhere to be immediately afterward.

Today we had a core group debriefing meeting.  This hour long meeting is part informational, part fellowship, part prayer.  When it came to my turn to say something brief I confessed that I have really been feeling God enjoy me lately.  Somehow at the very beginning of my Christian walk I sort of took a detour into legalism and started to hack pieces of myself off to fit a more buttoned down “bible-y” definition of what I thought a Christian should look like…all very sanitized and proper, of course.  I lost some of my joy in the journey and it has been returning to me here at IHOP as if fresh wind is literally filling me up again.  The other day I was baking pies and I could feel Gods delight in me just enjoying myself so much.  I am laughing more, and I see new joy on the horizon.  God is happy that I am here and that I am willing to step forward even when I don’t know the steps to this new dance.  I even told Michael that I think my glorified body is going to be really sparkly because its how I’m starting to feel in my spirit.  (Hooray for glorified bodies when Jesus returns!)

Watch out world, Dawn’s got a smile on her face and a sparkle in her spirit.

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11: Birthday Angel – 2-17-2011, Thursday

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. It used to be true that my birthday brought me a huge surge of excitement and I looked forward to all the festivities.  You may think that has seeped away because I’m simply getting older, but it has actually been the result of a concentrated attack by the enemy.  The past several years each time my birthday rolled around something awful would happen.  One year a person I had been helping to care-take died on my birthday.  Its hard to rejoice when you feel sorrow.  Another year my husbands cousin died just a few days before and we spent my birthday at a funeral for someone who left this earth far too soon.  It became a consistent pattern that plans for parties would fall through, strife would surround me, I would get yelled at by clients at work…something was sure to happen to dull the celebration and have it end in tears.

But this year I’m at IHOP and I believed God for a great birthday.  The morning our class erupted into singing as nearly 200 people sang happy birthday to me and Debbie (she is on staff and we are delighted to share the same special day!).  For lunch we had a few of our friends over to the house and we shared a meal and fellowship together.  That afternoon in the prayer room I was encouraged by the songs being sung.  At our “team 4″ briefing we spent nearly the whole time in prayer and my friend Shawna told the group that she had just seen an angel come stand behind me.  He was blond and wearing white and was radiant.  He had put his hand on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper that God was redeeming my birthday, from now on it will be a time of joy again.

Now I certainly wish I had heard or seen this angel for myself, but I’m also so blessed that God did a new thing with Shawna today.  She has never before seen an angel!  We are continually being knit together by the Lord in fellowship of the sweetest kind.  What a privilege to lay hands on her and ask God to continue this wonderful new gifting and allow her to see with clarity what is going on in the spiritual realm from this point forward.

Michael and I had a lovely romantic dinner at the Cheesecake factory which brought a wonderful end to a perfect day.  I will never forget that this was the year God sent me an angelic visitation.  What a gift!

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12: The Hallelujah Handshake — 03-12-2011, Saturday

TONIGHT I SERVED AS AN USHER at the “Encountering God Service”.  I wore my yellow vest with a big smile on my face.  During our briefing the head usher encouraged us all to mingle and meet a few of the people seated in our section.  I LOVE that part of being an usher.  I wandered my section and met several wonderful people.  One woman, Carrie, just moved here and she and her husband are starting intro in 3 weeks!  She is nervous and feeling like an outsider since she doesn’t know anyone, it was a real blessing to demystify what is about to take place and encourage her that she will soon get that sense of community she is missing.

The worship/ministry time was extended tonight.  (To give you an idea of how long it lasted…the service started at 6pm and by 8:30pm we still hadn’t even done the offering!) The very first altar call that was given was for anyone who wanted to receive or increase their prophetic anointing.  I would guess that 80% of the people in the room surged forward immediately.  That doesn’t leave many people to minister to them!  I hung back and prayed for a few people.  Soon other altar calls were being given.  For the few who were anywhere near me, I was their ministry team, and lets face it, there’s no hiding when you are wearing a big yellow vest, so I stepped right up.

I prayed for a beautiful black woman in her mid 30s who raised her hand and asked for prayer concerning confusion in discerning Gods voice.  This is a plea that is near and dear to my heart as I too had that trouble at first.  So I prayed over her what I had prayed for myself: that God in His gentle mercy would give her a special season where He would raise His voice so she would be ultra sure it was Him speaking!  This prayer really touched her and she was murmuring “yes Lord, speak loudly, I want to hear you”.

Next I prayed for an older couple that had driven out to IHOP from Ohio.  I prayed for fresh fire to fall on them and that they would be carriers of Gods presence.  They were both really touched and then prayed for me to prosper here as part of IHOP.  What a blessing!

The call was given for anyone with sickness in their body to raise their hands for prayer.  A lovely blond lady in her 50s raised her hand and I hoped someone (anyone but me really) would go pray for her.  I’m not exactly comfortable praying for healing.

ONE-one-thousand, TWO-one-thousand, THREE-one-thousand… uh oh, guess its going to be me!

I approached her not knowing what to even do.  “Ask the person what they want Jesus to do for them” said Wes Hall from the stage.  “Hi, what would you like Jesus to do for you?” I asked.  She proceeded to explain that she had trouble with her eyes, especially her left one, that she had dental problems, perhaps an infected tooth and two others that need to be crowned or pulled, and a back issue.  Oh, just that eh?  No problem.  Right….  I closed my eyes for a moment and reminded Jesus that I don’t heal people, HE does and waited for the right words to come to me.  “Declare healing in Jesus name right now” said Wes.  “I declare healing over my sister in Jesus name” I prayed.  I prayed for eyes.  I prayed for teeth.  I prayed for her back.  When I ran out of words I asked God for more.

I prayed over her that she is one that has been faithful.  “Wait, I just prayed that” said the woman.  “I went through sozo today and the Lord was highlighting so many things that need healing, but that I was faithful through it all” she said.  So then I prayed that God would give her utterance to express to Him all that had been stirred up so He could continue to bring healing to her inner man.  I then felt a slight tingly feeling rush from my feet up to my head.  I told her “I feel a tingly feeling rushing from my feet up to my head, lets pray that God would lift your burdens” and as I did that I touched the top of her head and pulled out the imaginary rope of tingling that I had felt go through me.  She immediately said she felt warmth on her back.  So I prayed that as God had lifted her burdens He would also lighten the weight on her physical burden and bring restoration.  She was crying.  I prayed quietly over her for a while, went and got her some kleenex and when I wasn’t getting anything else I moved on.  (Others had now gathered to pray for her).

As I was just finishing with her, a man I had greeted earlier came over to me and shook my hand.  I felt him slip a piece of paper in my hand as he shook my hand and covered it with his other one.  He looked me in the eyes and said that my husband and I have a mother/father anointing and that we will be greatly used to mentor those who are even just a few years younger than us.  He believes God will use our home as a place of refuge and hospitality for many and He prayed a blessing over me.  When he walked away I was blinking back the tears and I realized that paper was money.  I put it directly into my pocket without looking at it and walked over to the next person who needed prayer.

This young woman had long brown hair and was in her early 20s.  When I asked her how I could pray for her she opened her arms and I saw she had eczema pretty badly.  She gave me a lopsided grin and said “I have eczema”.  I said “I see that, lets see what Jesus will do”.  I prayed quietly and declared healing all the while watching her arms and everything in me desperate to see the redness vanish before my very eyes.  No such luck.  I continued praying.  Do it Jesus.  Come Holy Spirit.  Be healed in Jesus’ name.  Oh God, would you heal her body in a tangible way tonight.  I said all the things I could remember.  I alternately declared and begged for her healing -all very softly.  She said she felt warm.  For a moment I was silent and then I audibly asked God to pour warm wax all over her and seal His image into her.  Bring your fire Jesus, do a new thing in her today.  She was smiling.  Her arms were still red.  I wasn’t getting anything else. I blessed her and moved on.

Later in the parking lot as Mike and I were walking back to the car I gave him the “Hallelujah Handshake”.  I let him be the one to realize what I had just done and to open his hand and actually look at the paper.  I had thought maybe it was a $20.  Or if I was really lucky a $50.  He looked at it and said, “looks like a 10.”  A $10 is a date night, so that’s great!  “Wait..” he quickly added, “wait there’s another zero on this…  this is a $100!”  WOW.  Hallelujah Handshake indeed!

Tonight’s blessings were really varied for me.  I felt like God was meeting me in prayer here and there as I stepped out and partnered with Him.  I received an encouraging word.  I received a financial blessing.  I made a connection with a new intern about to embark on this same journey that I have been walking for 9 weeks.  I felt alternately excited and concerned, blessed and bankrupt.  I am so eager to walk in a greater measure of intimacy with the Holy Spirit.

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