Steward's Portion

A contrast of spiritual maturity.

IT WAS A ROUGH WEEK. I was tired, exasperated, and not feeling particularly strong in the ever present battle with the temptations we all face.  I found myself pondering my predicament.  Why is sin so tempting?  Why must it be so desirable?  All the best food is fattening and unhealthy, most entertainment pollutes the mind and distracts us from God, and the fundamental desires of the flesh will lead to heartbreak and destruction if not constantly disciplined.  Why are things so difficult?  God knew the struggle we’d all have.  Why couldn’t things be easier than they are?

I found myself asking, even begging, for God to remove the temptations from me.  Obedience would be so much easier if there wasn’t the constant tugging and urging to the contrary.  There are times when I long for our return to Eden, back to the time of innocence.  But it was on that note that God spoke.

CHILDREN OF EDEN:

God pointed to the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden.  “Yes, that’s right,” I said, “from the very beginning you made sure that there was at least one law to be observed.” And I knew why.  I had been down this path before with God.  When I had originally asked why God put a forbidden tree in the garden, He had responded saying:

Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression.  (Romans 4:15, KJV)

And why would God introduce a law that leads to transgression?  The answer was lengthy and detailed (and covered by other posts).  But God reminded me that it could all be summed up in one word – Love.

If ye love me, keep my commandments.  (John 14:15, KJV)

It was then that God made the connection for me.  I already knew that the law provided Adam and Eve with the opportunity to show God their love.  But God was now focusing my mind on the contrast between the spiritually mature, and the spiritually immature; between spiritual adults and spiritual children.

When a heart, Divine or otherwise, sets down a boundary and establishes the law, regardless of whether or not that law can or will be enforced, it will illicit one of two responses from those to whom the law applies.  A child will be struck by the obligation of the law, whereas an adult will see the law as an opportunity to love.

When it’s a parent who sets the rule, a child will strain against it like a chain holding back a wild animal.  The child loves the parent, but the child’s focus is almost entirely set on his or her own desires.  But when a lover sets the rule, the adult will cherish the opportunity to delight their lover’s heart.  The adult knows that obedience is a demonstration of love, and love leads to intimacy, and intimacy is far superior to any childish desire.

Adam and Eve were spiritual infants.  They saw only obligation in the law.  Eve calculated the need for the law, and found it lacking. The fruit was good and desirable.  It wasn’t bad.  In fact, it would make her better than she was.  Therefore there was no need for a law to restrict it.  God was concerned over nothing.  So she ate its fruit.  Adam wasn’t concerned with good or bad, but only with consequence.  He watched Eve eat to see if what happened to her was worth the benefit gained from the fruit.  When she didn’t die, the cost appeared to be insignificant compared to the spoils of sin, so he ate as well.

Every child begins in self-centeredness.  The consequences of their actions have to be pointed out to them.  They have to be taught how to observe the feelings of others.  Their love is based upon how others make them feel.  But when they mature, they learn to care for others.  They learn how to set aside what they want in favor of what someone else wants.

THE BRIDAL PARADIGM:

Here, then, is the fundamental nature of obedience.  To the immature, obedience is obligation and personal loss.  Men sin because they cannot bear to suffer the loss of their heart’s desire.  To the mature, however, obedience is love.  The desires of a lover have superseded the lesser personal desires of immaturity.  The lover finds what the child cannot see.

When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways.  (12) What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete—as complete as God’s knowledge of me.  (13) Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.  (1 Corinthians 13:11-13, GNB)

The principle seen in this verse can be applied to both spiritual children and adults.  What we perceive as children through the dimness of our immature passions and desires is imperfect and incomplete.  But when we mature, God will meet us face to face as our True Love.  At that moment we’ll realize that what we knew of love, and of God, was only partial.  But through intimacy with God, we’ll come to know Him as completely as He already knows us.

What was once perceived as laws of restriction and denial, will suddenly be seen as opportunities to love.  Instead of focusing on what we can’t have, we’ll fear obtaining it at the loss of our Lover’s passionate intimacy.  Once you’ve had a taste of it, a lover’s passion can never be replaced by the shortsighted desires of a child.  The ravishing love of a spouse is far sweeter than the nurturing love of a parent.

But children are only disgusted by such talk.  Only the mature are aroused by the deepness of intimacy.  So we receive the love with which we love God.

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.  (John 14:21, KJV)

There are two parts to this promise.  The first is obvious.  Obedience and the tangible presence of God go hand in hand.  Sin kills intimacy because it is a betrayal of one’s Lover.  So if you long for the manifest presence of God, but never seem to find it, the reason is simple — your immature desires and indifference’s are getting in the way of intimacy.  Ask God to show you where the problem is, then listen carefully for the answer.

The second part to this promise is unspoken.  It has to do with how you obey.  If our obedience is as that of a child , we’ll find the love of a parent.  If our obedience is as that of a lover, we’ll find the intimacy of our Divine Spouse.  How God manifests Himself to you is wholly dependent upon how you respond to His commandments.

DO YOU OBEY AS A CHILD OR A LOVER?

As I meditated upon this truth, the temptations pressed in again.  And as my heart repeated it’s cries to God, I suddenly heard myself.  I had asked God why the things He forbid were allowed to be so irresistibly desirable.  Now I could answer myself.  They are only irresistible to a child who knows nothing better.

In my defense, I wanted to argue that I’m very mature in certain areas, but the fact remains, when it comes to romancing the heart of God, I am only just beginning to come of age.  I have not yet matured to the point where God has manifested Himself to me as a Lover.  I’ve only experienced His love in a parent/child relationship.  Therefore, the desires of immaturity, which have not yet comprehended anything greater, still lust after the duplicitous offerings of sin.

While it’s certainly true that God will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to endure, how you escape temptation will determine your reward.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.  (1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV)

There is a way of escape for children, and there is a way of escape only reachable by adults.  The child merely escapes and finds relief.  Their obedience ovoids a spanking and further limiting discipline from their parent.  The lover uses the temptation as an opportunity to focus on the hearts desire of their spouse.  Their turning from the offerings of sin is not just a self-preservation, but an intentional act of devotion. They are investing together with their Spouse in a love that offers the sweetest dividends of intimacy you can possibly experience.

The irony of immaturity is that it limits what you can have, even though the immature are consumed with making sure they have the best of everything.  We’re robbing ourselves by chasing the desires of our inner child.  It’s time to stop falling short of God’s best.  It’s time to grow up.

BUT HOW?

Have you ever told a child to stop acting like a child?  Have you seen their reaction?  They stop and think real hard about what exactly that means, but find no answer within themselves, so they default to some childish response in frustration.  You will never find within you what you don’t already have.  So how do the immature become mature?  The answer is simple.  They spend time in the presence of maturity.

I’ve always lived in a spiritual “Never Never Land,” where all the children of God “never wanna grow up.” When I started to pursue God romantically, I could count on one hand the number of people I had met who were pressing forward towards the passions of spiritual adulthood.  The rest of my acquaintances were quite satisfied with their relationships with God, because in their eyes, there was little more to be had this side of heaven.  God takes care of them, and rescues them when they get into trouble.  God is a loving Parent.  What more could they want?

You have to be around something better to know better.

STEP ONE: Find God’s lovers

So step one is to ask God where the bride of Christ is.  Yes, every church is filled with the children of God, but it’s not children we are looking for.  We’re looking for spiritual adults who are truly operating in the intimacy of marriage.  Find them and spend time with them.  You’ll see a relationship that will transcend what you had as a child, and you’ll begin to desire it.  When you desire it, pursue it relentlessly.

STEP TWO: Don’t give up

Why would anyone give up the pursuit of God’s passionate love?  All you need do is look at the romantic pursuits of the young.  Their pursuits are full of missteps, immature advances, and heartbreak.  If you are a spiritual youth who is trying to grasp romance, be prepared for a bumpy ride.

1) Be Prepared to be Disgusted and Offended:

When God showed me where His Bride was, I observed them with great scrutiny.  They were an imperfect lot, but their interaction with God far exceeded my own.  Before I could pursue that level of intimacy myself, I had to get over one last hurdle.  I detail that strugle in a post entitled “The Last Hurdle.” To summarize, the interaction between God and His Bride contained elements that I found both enticing and repulsive.  There were things God required for intimacy that I could not abide.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t make myself like it.  “If this is what romance is like, I don’t think I want it,” my inner child balked.  So God had to deal with the remnants of my immaturity before I could pursue Divine romance wholeheartedly (which, as it turns out, is the only way one can pursue genuine romance).

As a child, you will not be entirely prepared for what an intimate relationship entails.  The young always pursue romance with idyllic pictures of intimacy in mind when they begin.  They imagine how great it will be to have all their needs met, and be loved unconditionally by their spouse.  Then they get married.

What follows is a multi-year struggle to learn how to relate to their spouse in a manner that produces intimacy rather than offense.  You’ll begin by learning how you offend your lover.  You’ll proceed by learning what you have to change about yourself to maintain the romance.  And you’ll finish by learning how to satisfy the needs of your spouse that you don’t have yourself.

The reward for all this effort is more than worth it, but it will take a devoted heart to endure to the end.

2) Be Prepared for Rejection:

You must come of age before you’ll be received as a lover.  The sad reality is that in your attempt to romance God, your advances will at first be childish.  As a result, you will suffer rejection by God in those advances.  This can be unexpected, especially when you give it your all.  And it will be devastating at first.  It was for me.

As my wife and I spent time around the Bride of Christ, we heard of a particular ministry outreach that was intended to edify the church itself.  In this outreach you would meet with two ministers of your own gender who would seek the Lord’s word for you and speak it to you.  That would include God pointing out sins that were holding you back as well and promises given to infuse you with hope to press forward.  Everyone we met who had gone through this had found God in an intimate way during their session.  Well, that was exactly what I wanted — an intimate encounter — even if God focused on things He wanted changed in me, that would be enough.  I just wanted to connect with God romantically.  So we signed up.

Our preparations were like that of a bride.  It was as if we put on our best dress, and adorned ourselves with beautiful jewelry, and scented ourselves with the best perfume.  I fasted longer than I had ever fasted before, and cut out all forms of entertainment.  My wife and I sang and worshiped God every evening after work until we went to bed.  We spent our free time praying to God and telling Him how excited we were to begin our romance with Him in earnest after so many years as children.

Then the time came.  We had our sessions at the same time, but separately — me with the men, my wife with their wives.  I was a little dismayed when I discovered that these people were volunteers, and not the normal people who minister.  But I wasn’t going to let that deter me.  I had come to meet God, not worry about the ministers before me.

The power of God came down heavy upon the men who were ministering to me.  They commented on how unusually strong God’s presence was, so much so, that they were huffing and puffing under the weight of it.  But I sensed nothing.  They pressed in towards God, confident that they would be given something for me seeing as God had shown up so mightily.  But they got nothing.

So they began to employ “tools” or methods aimed at helping people hear from God.  I hate tools.  Most tools circumvent intimacy and replace it with something far more infantile.  God may respond, but He’ll do so with far less frequency and with as much impotency.  I had specifically prayed to God asking Him not to let such men minister to me.  But I suddenly realized that God had ignored that request.  “Fine,” I said to myself, “if God wants to test me with the foolishness of men, so be it.” So I submitted, and did whatever they asked me to do.

They had me do things I would never have done of my own free will.  Things such as going to a “safe place” in my mind and imagining Jesus so as to have a chat with Him.  And it only got worse from there.  Nothing evil, mind you, just mind games as far as I was concerned.  But again, I hadn’t come to find fault, I had come to submit as a bride before her groom and encounter Jesus.  But after having me do this and that, the only ones who ever entered God’s manifest presence were the two men ministering to me.  After three hours of this, we called it quits.

I felt abandoned by God and violated by the ministers.  It was as if God had taken me to the amusement park only to abandon me there where I got raped by the clowns in the Funhouse.  I felt dirty.  I felt like a rape victim who blames herself because she didn’t fight back hard enough.  I just took it.  I did whatever they told me to do, but God wasn’t in it.  His presence was there, but He didn’t come to my rescue.

I would have been tempted to blame those ministering to me for the problem, but the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me go there.  Their immaturity, though potent, wasn’t the problem.  Mine was.  I was rejected.  God was there, and had made His presence undeniably clear, but then refused me.

I was utterly devastated.  I’m not an emotional man, in fact I have trouble expressing any kind of emotion at all, even if I want to.  But this rejection undid me.  I had invested every ounce of myself into pleasing God, and He rejected it.  It was supposed to be a beautiful evening, but it turned into a heartbreak instead.  I sobbed bitterly, like I have never sobbed before.  I had nothing left to offer.  I had done everything good and pleasing that I could think of and it wasn’t good enough.

Emotions I never knew I had began to surface.  It was as if I had been strapped to a roller coaster that I couldn’t get off.  I would cry, then rage against the injustice of it all, and then sit quietly in shock, only for it to repeat over again.  I was so angry with God.  All my anger and frustration poured out of me.  “Why do you make things so hard!” I yelled, “How can you just reject me like that after I poured myself out for you” But He was silent, and at that point I didn’t even care.  The struggle to communicate with Him and get any kind of tangible response had exhausted me.  Why couldn’t He just relate to me like other people do?  Why was everything so incredibly difficult?

I didn’t talk to God for months after that.  I didn’t want to hear from Him.  At all.  Not, at least, until I had calmed down and gotten over the hurt He caused me.  I couldn’t understand why He rejected me.  But I had nowhere else to go, and no one greater to turn to.  God was my true love, and I had to pursue Him or die.

So when I finally got to a place where I could talk to Him again, I stood at the gates of His Kingdom, as it were, and waited for them to open.  I wished to be with the King of Kings even if that meant being no closer than at the gates that kept me out.

“Why didn’t you receive me?” I asked somberly.  “Why wasn’t it good enough?”  Then God impressed upon my mind the truth.  It wasn’t what I did that wasn’t good enough, it’s the heart with which I did it.  I had approached God as a child, but desired a lover’s intimacy.  That advance was stonewalled.  And my response to the wall only underlined in red my immaturity.

A child does “things” in order to win over God’s heart.  A child will say “I did this, and I did this, and look Daddy, I drew this picture of you!” The picture, of course, will be comprised of scribbles and random colors.  But it still goes on the fridge anyway.  But when that child comes of age, and approaches romance in the same fashion and with the same activities, will the one they are pursuing receive them?  Or will those kind of childish advances disgust the one they are pursuing?

Chores and other common tasks are hard for children.  They go against their desires.  So a child boasts of their completion, and wears them as badges of their love.  While obeying basic commands is certainly an expression of love, they are also expected.  Completing tasks you are obliged to do will not win the heart of a lover, nor win you the praise you might expect.

But which of you who has a servant plowing or feeding will say to him immediately after he has come from the field, Come, recline?  (8) Will he not say to him, Prepare something so that I may eat, and gird yourself and serve me until I eat and drink. And afterward you shall eat and drink.  (9) Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him?  I think not.  (10) So likewise you, when you shall have done all the things commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants, for we have done what we ought to do.  (Luke 17:7-10, MKJV)

I beseech you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, pleasing to God, which is your reasonable service.  (Romans 12:1, MKJV)

Never confuse one’s reasonable service with romance.  My preparations to meet the Lord were comprised of things that are commanded.  But because they are hard for me, and not my common practice, I expected a loving hug for their completion.  But I was not coming to God as a child.  I was coming to Him as a lover.  I came as a young man attempting to woo a young maid to be his wife, saying, “I mowed the lawn for you, took out the trash, and I vacuumed the whole rug this time – not just the easy to reach parts like I normally do.” And then I was hurt by the blank stare of my Lover.  I was confounded by the lack of hugs and kisses I received after such offerings.  But I was immature, and ignorant of the nature of romance, at least with regard to it’s spiritual expressions.

“But you could have said something,” I protested, “if I was a child, you could have at least responded to me as a Father.” “Your rejection was as hurtful as any beating, how can I tell people that you are a loving Father when this is how you treat children when they try to show you their love?” To that, God replied:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: (6) For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.  (Hebrews 12:5-6, KJV)

God scourges every son whom He receives.  For the first time in my entire life I actually felt scourged.  In this passage, God emphasized the fact that the scourging comes before the receiving.  God then reminded me that He even scourged Jesus before receiving Him.

“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all…  Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. He shall see of the travail of his soul, and]shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. ” (Isaiah 53:4-6, 10-11, KJV)

While the scourging was applied by the wicked, it was ordained by God just as much as Christ’s death was ordained.  “But scourging is so brutal” I protested, “what kind of parent does this to their child?!” “I did this to my own Son first, shall it not be done to those who come to Me through Him?” God responded.

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: {22} “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; {23} who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously (1 Peter 2:21-23, KJV)

The value of scourging is that it’s a refinement.  It so breaks what it touches that every impurity is forced to the surface.  This is what God does.  He purges from us those things that act as a spiritual disease, and which rob us of intimacy with God.  God is a jealous Lover.

But who can endure the day of His coming? And who shall stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner’s fire, and like fuller’s soap.  (3) And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. And He shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may be offerers of a food offering in righteousness to Jehovah.  (Malachi 3:2-3, MKJV)

Because you say, I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing, and do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, (18) I counsel you to buy from Me gold purified by fire, so that you may be rich; and white clothing, so that you may be clothed, and so that the shame of your nakedness does not appear. And anoint your eyes with eye salve, so that you may see.  (19) As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten; therefore be zealous and repent.  (Revelation 3:17-19, MKJV)

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy. For I have espoused you to one Man, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.  (2 Corinthians 11:2, MKJV)

When God scourges His children, it breaks them in such a way that every impurity hidden within their soul comes forth and manifests itself.  If you can be angry, you will become angry.  If you can be violent, you will become violent.  Every negative thing hidden inside you will come out when the personal restraints you have applied to them are shattered through the pain of scourging.  The pain of scourging can be physical, emotional, or both as it was with Jesus.  However, with Jesus, scourging proved His purity rather than being a tool to make Him pure.  When the brutality touched Him there was no sin to come to the surface.  He did not revile, nor did He threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.

When I received nothing from God, but was left to the ministry “tools” of foolish men, I was emotionally brutalized.  I felt like God hated me.  The pain seemed to be proof of it.  But God does not use scourging as a punishment.  What I experienced was needed to purge me of impurity that would have kept me from entering into intimacy with Him.

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh who corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?  (10) For truly they chastened us for a few days according to their own pleasure, but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness.  (11) Now chastening for the present does not seem to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who are exercised by it.  (12) Because of this, straighten up the hands which hang down and the enfeebled knees.  (13) And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way, but let it rather be healed.  (Hebrews 12:9-13, MKJV)

Prepare yourself for rejection.  But know that what God is rejecting is the very thing that keeps you from enjoying intimacy with Him.  Rejoice at it’s removal through scourging.  For while it seems to be the end of your relationship, it’s actually the beginning of it.  So don’t give up.  The diligent will persevere.  Learn from your rejections and you will find a greater love from God than any love you ever dreamed of receiving.

STEP THREE: Protect the Sanctity of your Marriage.

Don’t lose what you’ve got.  When you are in the presence of God, you feel invincible in regard to sin.  You feel as if you could laugh temptation to shame for even trying to beguile you.  But be aware that you are never more of a threat to Satan’s kingdom then when you are walking with God and filled with His presence.  But that filling doesn’t last forever, it leaks.  That is why we are commanded to “be filled” with the Spirit continually as opposed to getting filled just once (Ephesians 5:18).  The lull between Divine refreshments will be when Satan strikes.

The attack is usually busyness; the busyness of ministry and service before God.  Adults have to work, as you know.  Therefore, expect to be distracted from your own relationship with God on account of other people’s lack of relationship with God.  Expect spiritual children to demand your attentions.  So be watchful, and make sure that you put your Spouse before those children, just as you should in a physical marriage.

One of Satan’s favorite tactics is to back off and withdraw from the fight just long enough to lull you into a sense of false security and strength.  He likes to let pastors and preachers feel like they are strong against his whiles, and waits for them to move into greater influence before striking.  Those who are caught unaware, are shocked to learn that what they thought was their strength was actually the Devil’s restraint.  And when Satan hits them full force with temptation they are overcome because their intimacy, and true strength with God, was robbed by their so-called “duties” as ministers.

For if the word spoken by angels was steadfast, and if every transgression and disobedience received a just recompense of reward, (3) how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by those who heard Him; (Hebrews 2:2-3, MKJV)

IN CONCLUSION:

Your desires, and struggle with sin is directly determined by your spiritual maturity.  Never assume that, “that’s just how it is.” If you advance your relationship with God, your struggles will change to reflect the level of intimacy you have with God.  Your spiritual marriage will be reflected in your earthly marriage, and other relationships.

Negative, and sinful passions can only be overcome by positive, godly passions.  So pursue a Divine romance, and watch your desire for fleshly passions fade away until they are dead.  In this way we are said to be dead to sin, but only insomuch as we are alive to God.  This flesh was crucified with Christ, but only insomuch as we leave it on the cross and pursue the resurrected life of Jesus.

Find and spend time with the Bride of Christ, those spiritual adults who are actively (not just passively) pursuing Jesus as The Groom.

Do not be deceived; evil companionships corrupt good habits.  (1 Corinthians 15:33, MKJV)

And likewise godly companionships encourage greater habits than the ones you currently posses.  You will become like those you spend your time with.  Choose wisely your company.

And last, but not least, when you find God, never let go.  That would seem intuitive, but never underestimate the power of the dark side.  As cliche as that sounds, it remains true.  Satan knows you better than you know yourself.  And he is a master of manipulation.  You cannot resist his whiles on your own, so maintain your intimacy with God no matter what ministry demands from you.  Better to say no to ministry needs than to walk away from intimacy with God.  Satan will work hard to convince you otherwise.

If you call yourself the Bride of Christ, then make sure you are acting the part.  Not because you have to, but because you want to.